A Couple of Birthdays

I am going to be indulgent on this special day and talk about something that is ever on my mind.

Today is March 16th. Today there are a couple of birth days to mark.  My sister Leslie, hope she has a great day, kinda sucks that it is mid-week, no time to celebrate. Happy Birthday sis.

The other person celebrating a birthday today would have been my son David, he would have been 31.  OMG that makes me feel so old. David was born March 16 1979, he was the spitting image of his father Sid, with pale green eyes and light brown hair. I can't tell you too much about him since he didn't get a chance to live for very long...but I do know that he loved his mommy.

 David didn't smile much but he always smiled when mommy came in the room. I carried him around with me most of every day. I had him at the doctors every two weeks I am sure.. no one could figure out what was the matter with him.. he just cried a lot and spewed his formula back up or had bad diahrea.  David loved his 2 year old brother Robbie. Robbie would sneak into the babies room and try to feed him cookies and blow raspberries on his belly when I was changing diapers. David would giggle in that high pitched little baby voice that makes us all smile..and then pull Robbies hair. When David cried (which was a lot) Robbie would bring him some of his favorite stuffed toys and try to make him smile, lots of love for a two year old.  David wasn't talking a lot at 10 months but he said Mommy, Dadda and Obby and yuk (probably because he heard us say that so many times when he threw up or had a messy diaper). He was weak, but he could stand up and take a few steps if he was hanging on to something... he loved to be outside...and I would take him out after lunch some days and sit with him under the maple trees...he would stare up at the light green leafs moving in the wind.

This is David with my Mom on boxing day.

Before Christmas that year our doctor had him admitted to an Edmonton Hospital, where they did tests and gave him a blood transfusion...they called Christmas eve morning saying we could drive in and pick him up... When we arrived at the hosp. and found the room...( I am not sure why I wasn't staying there with him, I would have if the option had been given to me)  and Sid stayed at the desk to sign discharge papers and I went on to the nursery....the door had windows in it and I could see him standing in the steel crib with his hands on the top rail and his head bowed with his forehead resting on the rail...he looked so lonely and dejected...being the only baby still left there at Christmas...it made my heart break....so I tapped on the window and he looked up...and ( I will remember this part for the rest of my life, I can still see his face as if he was here in front of me this very moment)  he smiled such a beautiful smile and started bouncing up and down on the mattress crying "mommmy mommy mommy"  I rushed in and picked him up and he wrapped his little pale arms around my neck and layed his little head on my shoulder... and I took him home....

My Mom and Dad arrived on boxing day from my sister Peggy's house where they had spent Christmas that year, coming all the way from BC.  They only stayed 2 days, and already David wasn't feel well again. I took him to the Barrhead hosp on Dec.28 in the morning...and they kept him in overnight...the next day...they phoned and said the Doctor wanted to send him back to Edmonton....but the ambulance (they only had one back then) was busy north of Swan Hills at a rig accident and they were going to send him in a taxi...did one of us want to go with him.... I said yes...but Sid decided we would drive him in ourselves....so we dropped Robbie off at his Babba's and picked David up at the hospital. When I got to his room he was laying in a crib crying...they didn't have him ready to go...so I dressed him in his light blue snow suit (it's Dec.) and we took him out to the truck...we started to drive to Edmonton and when we were passing through Westlock, right in front of the UFA store... I am not sure why...but I lifted the light flannel blanket I had over him to keep the chill off and he was blue and his eyes were glazed over....  I don't remember what happened right after that...I just remember Sid getting out of the truck and coming to open my door....then nurses were there and they were trying to take David from me and I wouldn't let him go....but they finally got a hold of him and took him away....later, in the waiting room the doctor came and asked us if we would like to see him one last time....  I took the little blue toque he was wearing, I still have it.  But we had to bury our son and I remember thinking that this was going to be the hardest thing I will ever do in my life... and it has been, probably always will be.

My life changed a lot after that...the next year just went by in a blur, I don't remember any details... life was just so much more difficult...My husband drowned his grief with whiskey and I, with food.  I remember the day the fog lifted, it was the spring of 1981, we had been at my sister in laws in Smokey Lake for the weekend and Robbie was not feeling well....on our way home Sid decided we should take him to the hospital...he had a bad fever... they wanted to keep him in overnight...and I remember yelling, crying and begging them to let me take him home...I promised I would do everything they told me  but that I had to take him home....the doctor turned to my husband and asked if I was alright but then a neighbour of ours who was a nurse came and she explained to the doctor about David and he let us take Robbie home, with anti-biotics and stuff... I didn't sleep for two days...but he did get better.

I am sitting here with tears running down my face as I write this and I know that it should all be behind me, but he was such a sweet little boy and I feel so guilty that I didn't know enough to do more or make him better. Perhaps I trusted in the doctors too much, maybe I should have been more aggressive, I can only make excuses for why I wasn't, I was young and I think, a bit overwhelmed with two babies under 2 yrs. milking cows and market gardening, no family close by, a mother in law that only spoke Ukranian...and a husband to old, cranky and busy farming  to deal with a sick baby

All I know is he was gone too soon and I can't help but think how different all our lives would have been had he lived. Robbie would not have been smothered to the point of helplessness by over protective parents at the very least.

I know lots of other people have lost children and my heart breaks for them too. But this is my blog, my dime and my memories.  Thanks for listening.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID