Any Minute Now

I always had this idea of what I would be like when I was Old....but I never imagined anything like what my reality is like...hahaha  When I was very young I used to see myself being a teacher, and helping kids find the thing inside them that brings out the passion for what they are...like my teacher did for me....but as time went by and I got a bit older that vision faded and I saw myself more as someone who would perhaps impact more in just her tiny little world... but it would be great...my kids would be genius's , doctors, lawyers and such, and they would all (I planned to have half a dozen) be so loving and appreciative to their dear old mom.....hah....and now...as I enter middle age....I am hit squarely in the face with cold reality once again....( or perhaps for the first time)  No body really gives a shit about you, but you !!!!!  

I am sitting here even now waiting and hoping the phone rings and my only son will call me up and wish me a happy holiday, perhaps ask what my plans are for Christmas, perhaps even radically inviting the join him and his wife for the day... any minute now......the phone might ring....

Who am I kidding.... God...we humans are an eternally optimistic bunch aren't we ?  A fool...that's what I am....I just can't seem to let go of hope... my sister said that's all we really have...is hope...what a depressing thought...because I am getting down on it.... I call friends up to get together and they are off shopping with their daughters or watching their sons kids...or some are even packing for a trip to Vegas for the whole Xmas holidays...grand canyon, LA. the beach....must be nice...and they are taking their son with them....yup....and so here I sit, just me and my jigsaw puzzles...and occasionally Robert, which when it happens is great...I love him dearly but he is happy with it just being us 2 and I can't seem to let go of the dream of a big happy family all home for the holidays...or better yet...my son inviting us to spend the day with his family..if he had one...

The folks whose place we have spent Christmas day with the past few years are the ones going to Vegas.... leaving us with no where to go...so I had made peace with the two of us just staying at home and had planned the meal and perhaps a bit of tobogganing later in the day...I love tobogganing...did you know?   But then other friends of ours invited us to there place...kinda weird...because I specifically remember her telling me once that they never had people over during Christmas. it was strictly for family, meaning them and their kids...they are very close with their children and their families...so now they have invited us and we hesitantly said yes...wondering how weird it is going to be...them uncomfortable having someone other than family there (first time for them) and us not knowing their kids that well.... I want to back out but Robert says it will be fine... Oh well....we shall see...don't get me wrong...I am very appreciative of their kind offer, but can't help feeling that they only invited us because our other mutual friends trip to Vegas. A charity case...I guess is how it feels... and I am nobodies charity case...besides it only makes me more melancholy to see other people with their families around them during the holidays...hahahaha  Unrealistic I know...but we can't help how we feel....

It makes my want to march over to my sons place, grab him by the ear and kick him in the shins and say "how come you can't be more like Barb's son?"

On a different note.... I hate shopping this time of the year...and I don't mean Christmas shopping, since Robert and I are both on the same plain about buying gifts.... It's Christmas's every day in our house....well at least when it comes to getting want we want....So WE DO NOT BUY GIFTS, for anyone..ever....  but that doesn't mean the rest of the planet isn't doing it..and MY GOD, are people rude... I just want to get into costco get what I need and get out....but it is like running a steeple chase...dodging inattentive shoppers with big buggies, whining bratty kids, and rude people who just leave their cart in the middle of the aisle and wander off to look at something...like they were the only ones in the world who matter. Argghhhh  Robert has to physically restrain me from shoving people or swearing at them...so by the time we get out of the stores...I am ready to break something....preferably their necks...

It should be like when their is a water shortage and people want to water their lawns....even number addresses water on even days odd numbers on odd number days....well shopping could be like that at Christmas....that would cut down the numbers by half.....the best thing is to just stay home but we need to eat...and even the local grocery stores are insane...people getting kidney punched for the last turkey....as if.... 

Well, I will undoubtedly be back on whining again before the big day...after all we are going back to the city this coming week, and I am sure it will be bedlam...wish me luck and I to you, in your endeavours for the perfect gift....