Sawdust Therapy

I've had a grand week, busy tagging calves and spreading straw with a pitch fork.  It has been so mild here that I have even had the urge to work in my shed. I found plans for a bench, that were nice and straight forward.   I've wanted a bench for quite a while now, in the mud room so R can sit down while he puts his boots on and off.  His hips are bad enough that bending is painful for him.  Any of the benches I looked at in stores were either too flimsy or too expensive.  So.... necessity being the mother of invention, off I went to wood pile and voila...MY BENCH...

I will paint it dark green to go with the trim on the house but for now it sits in the mud room for R to use... I plan to make several more, a couple for in the house and couple more for the deck.  This one is the prototype and is made from rough wind board that I ripped down on the table saw and then sanded to within an inch of its life.. but I hope to buy planed wood for the next one, like the plans required...and see if it is as sturdy as the one I over-built. If it isn't then it's back to the rough wind boards. hahahaha

Robert is very impressed with my attempt and thinks I could sell them if I wanted to. He uses this one many times a day and that is the biggest compliment he could give me.  I can still surprise even myself.

The only draw back to building this sort of thing for sale is that I made this one in one long day....with a table saw and a drill, but the job would have been so much easier if I had had the other tools they said were necessary, like a mortise saw, a palm sander and a angle screw hole jig....but I can't afford that stuff right now...so I made due and my effort is pretty awesome even if I do say so myself.

My wood working will have to wait a bit because I did something really stupid last night....after working outside most of the day with Robrt. sorting cows and babies to go out to the bigger paddocks and feeding and spreading straw, tagging a few new born calves and dealing with a set of twins where the girl calf is smart and the boy calf is to stupid to live...(he doesn't know how to pick up the tit) robrt deals with that while I muck out the pens...spread lime to dry the floor and put new straw in each one...(there are ten pens in all) I throw it to the centre alley and then we push it out the door with the tractor.

Any way, I was exhausted by the time I came in at 8 pm for supper...I had the where with all to slap a stew together in the slow cooker in the morning so we had something hot later in the day....I grabbed a quick shower to get the barn smell off and then Robrt was in and I was hurrying to get his supper on the table because he said there was a cow calving and he needed to get back out side...I grabbed the slow cooker to move it to another counter, the lid was off and I picked it up and moved to step across the kitchen when it nearly pulled out of my hands because the damned thing was still plugged in...in the mean time hot bubbling stew and gravy had sloshed over my right hand...It hurt like a son of a bitch...but I had to put the slow cooker down and then rushed to the sink to wash it off.... Robrt was kind enough to clean the two or three bowls of stew that fell on the floor while I cooled my hand off and cleaned the slow cooker off...

We ate and he hurried back outside... leaving me to nurse my poor scalded hand...it swelled up really badly, and the skin raised as if in welts. but no blistering, thank god....very very red... Polysporin and Tylenol and then to bed...and this morning the skin is still a bit red looking and very sensitive, but I had a lucky escape I think...it could have been much worse, if I hadn't reacted so quickly...and got it under cold water.

Off in another direction now....a fellow came yesterday afternoon from the county...to get our signature on a form giving them permission to remove our fence along the road while they rebuild the road...we are excited about it because we will get a 40 yr old fence replaced with a brand new one...yeehaw...
the road is in terrible shape and needs to have work done on it badly...they may need dirt to build the road up and have asked us if we would allow them to take some off our land...we said yes if they would dig us a dugout...he added that to the contract....so we shall see.  They plan to start brushing and removing the fence next week...

I am also excited and very happy for Maggie and David, who have just announced there will be a new member of their family arriving in September.

I can't remember if I posted this picture of my last painting or not so I will show it again..

 I finished this in September...hahahaha and haven't started another once since...although I crave painting like an addict...there just never seems to be time...and I am not afforded the luxury of sitting in the house anymore since the doctor told Robrt that I don't have LUPUS....they aren't sure what is the matter with me, they just agree that there is something the matter.
A guinea pig, that's what it feels like... try this, try that...oops stop taking that....In May when I see the specialist again I plan to cut through all the bullshit and ask him to shit or get off the pot..either I am sick or I'm not...if I'm not then leave me the fuck alone....excuse my language... because if what I feel everyday, this aching pain in my muscles and bones, sharper pain if you move the wrong thing, is normal and everyone feels like this every day no wonder there is so much killing and violence in the world...because it wears you down, it kills my spirit, and I have to force myself to do anything, because it all hurts. Even building my bench, my hands were swollen and stiff for three days afterwards because of using them so much.

Robrt can tell when the pain is bad because sadly I tend to be short of patience and he gets yelled at...I can usually ask him to just leave me alone but if we are working on something together and I am sore and frustrated I lash out...so yes,  poor Robrt.

Why am I frustrated you ask....it frustrates me because I have a man who unless you slap him in the face and the doctor puts a label on what is wrong with me, will still ask me to work everyday...more this past year than since I first started seeing doctors.  It's like, "oh she doesn't have a disease with a label, then she isn't sick"    but nothing has changed, I have all the same problems that they originally sent me to the specialist for...but the first one jumped to a quick conclusion and since she retired the new guy is questioning all her conclusions, so I am back to square one...and until I can put a label on what is wrong with me I can't get any disability pension.

I am not a lazy person, if there is work to be done, I will do it gladly. I suspect that is what has landed me with the physical challenges I have now is that I was worked like a slave and my body is worn out. Robrt is better than my first husband but still is used to my being able to do everything he can do, like I did when we first met...and the first few years of our marriage and in MY MIND, I can still do it all, I WANT to do it .....and I can.....but there is a hefty price to pay when I do...and I find that more and more...I resent having to pay that price for a farm that barely keeps it head above water. That I am constantly having to delve into personal savings to bale it out. Soon that won't be an option as the saving is whittled down.  I should be retired already...my doctors look at me like I am insane when I talk about shoveling grain and cleaning the barn with a pitch fork...hammering planks on the fence with 6 inch spikes, hundreds in one day...so that by evening my fingers are numb from the pounding. 

They are reducing the dose of some of my meds to see which ones the first doctor prescribed are actually doing any good and it has come to the dose where I am now waking myself up in the middle of the night with my moaning and groaning in pain...I woke up whimpering and crying two mornings ago...

So they need to do something, or leave me the hell alone...and Robrt needs to grow some F'ing balls, man up and start making some changes around here , because I honestly don't know how much longer I can push myself to do this shit...I feel, quite often like I am going to lose my mind...it hurts so much and nobody gives a fucking shit....as long as I can do my work....  when I complain that I am in pain...he brings me extra strength Tylenol and a glass of water and then tells me what he wants me to do that afternoon....

ANYWAY, maybe I will ACCIDENTALLY TRIP AND FALL INTO A LIFE BOAT  and float away....
can you believe the story the cruise ship captain came up with ....I mean, what a moron....  Every time I hear about it I burst out laughing because it is so fantastically ludicrous...

I'm done whining now....admire my lovely bench and remember it cost me two-three days of barely being able to bend my fingers after building it.