Another Day

Another Day, another Dime ( used to be a dollar but times are tough) hahaha.

While I was venting a bit of steam one day in conversation with Robt. words came out of my mouth that I had never heard before. I know what you are thinking....swear words rights....well you'd be partially right, some of what I said was cursing but I had a bit of an epiphany and was actually rendered speechless, no mean feat that, to render chatty Cathy mute...hahahahaha

Back to my epiphany, I was pouring my heart out to Robt, frustration over another set of friends moving away in retirement, lack of fun in our life, the weather and farm life in general when I heard myself say " I don't know why I married another farmer,  farming was never a passion of mine, it's just something I went along with because the men in my life loved it."

 I don't know what I would have done with my life had I not met my first farmer husband, probably moved back to BC with mom and Dad and went back to school. I wanted, when I was a teenager, to be an English teacher. I think I would have been a reasonably good one.

The look on Robt's face when I said that, you'd think I kicked a puppy rightthere in front of him.
  I have been content with the farming gig for 35 years now, and I froth at the mouth when I think that I will still be doing it when I am ready for the nursing home.  I had such grand dreams, well grand might be a bit to dramatic a term, but my dreams for the last half of my life were certainly more varied than driving tractor and chasing cows.
It's just too bad that to live even a tiny bit of the life I had hoped to be living when I was 54 means that Robt has to give up any of the life he lives and breaths.

"If I wasn't chained to the farm I would....." move closer to the city, an acreage I think so that I could garden and be outside with nature, which is as necessary to me as breathing. I would do some volunteer work, perhaps in adult literacy or just wiping drooling chins at the lodge...reading to seniors....I would be able to attend every family function my family cared to plan and maybe even throw my own reunion, I would be sure to make it to that one then...hahahaha  Robt and I would be able to spend more time together that didn't involve instructions on what work I was to do next or arguing over loan payments and tractor repairs. I'd be able to have a small house dog again, right now I am hardly in the house to care for one and coyotes would eat it if I left it outside while I drove tractor for 12 hours a day. I would definitely get a better handle on this fibromyalgia, stress wouldn't be such a huge factor in my health. I'd have more time to paint more than 2 paintings a year,  and well, you get the idea...  I'd have to have a job of course at least part time...I think I would prefer to work at home depot or Rona...the paint or tool department in the winter and the parking lot garden centre during the summer. I'd ride my bike to work when I could and join the rec centre swimming laps everyday.

I used to dream about kayaking, hiking in the mountains, learning to ski and skijoring with a great dog, moving into the wilderness and making a home with my own hands but that is a young persons dream and mine have matured and pared themselves down to more practical ones over the years.

In the mean time though I guess I will just keep plodding along here on the farm. It's what Robt. loves and I love him, it's just that simple and that complicated.