Sad Tidings

So here it is less than a month after being diagnosed with cancer Rbts brother is dead, the funeral is tomorrow, what would have been his 69 th birthday. These past few weeks have been eye opening in a lot of ways, many I am still processing. But one thing I have had confirmed beyond a doubt is that my man is the king of procrastination and denial.

I am being facetious when I say it is so much better to avoid any confrontation than to clear the air of negativity and be at peace.  I used to think my family were F'd up we were always fighting amongst ourselves, but at least we were honest about it. You pissed me off by "borrowing" something of mine, I punch your lights out or tell your jealous boyfriend your out on a date. Ha ha ha, Oh i loved that one.It was healthy. In this moment I can't stand to look at you, but once I get the emotion off my chest by yelling, the air is clear, you know where I stand. It's not healthy keeping things bottled up. It's like a septic wound that rots you from the inside out. A cancer.

Stress has taken up residence in our house lately. Dealing with Toms dying, beef sales, custom wood orders that change daily, the crappy winter weather and a flare up of shingles, it has just been a joy.

I sincerely hope, selfishly, for sure, that life will return to some sort of normal next week. I yearn to sit in front of my easel again.