Oh what I wouldn't give for a month long vacation far far away from any god damned farm....or anything resembling one... a nice white sandy beach somewhere not too hot...with a well muscled eunuch serving me my meals and drinks while I sit on a soft cushioned lounger in the shade of a local palm tree....there would have to be no bugs, no snakes and no sex.....and definitely no skinny people....hahahhahaha   just fatties...no bikinis allowed just cotton sundresses and flip flops...all my favorite music playing in the back ground...and absolutely no phones ringing...text if you must but turn the ringer off....it's my dream, after all...and if I say no phone, there's no phones....oh ya and I would have an endless supply of historical romance novels at my finger tips...because the guys in those books always turn out to be a prince and never the lowly toads that most men are...when they stop trying....ahhahahahaha  oh boy does that sound jaded or what....

No things are fine between my hubby and I, really....I am just a bit disillusioned I guess. Perhaps I am coming to realize just how important I am in the big scheme of things or rather, unimportant....very humbling that...you know.

Well I spent a very frustrating couple of days using an excel spreadsheet and filling in over a hundred  9 digit calf tag numbers and their birth dates and other pertinent info...to then try to upload it to the Canadian Cattle Identification Association. A bit of fall from the BSE fiasco....we are now required by law to tag all animals on the farm with these radio frequency computer chipped ear tags...which all have a nine digit number on them, each tag has a different number and is allotted to our farm only....and then you have to record all the info on the spreadsheet and send it via Internet to their office. After a bit of time passes (hours) you can go back to their site and allegedly print off a certificate which verifies the birth date of those specific cattle that you must, by law, send to the auction market where you are selling your cattle...

So ours are going to market on Tuesday...and I worked on these spreadsheets for two days in a row...for hours and hours....and they would not upload...I finally, on Friday had to phone their office with my cell, while tying up the land line with the computer online.....hahahaha and ask them what the hell I had done wrong... which was apparently nothing....he said he could not see any mistakes...made by me...that it had to be the spreadsheet....Thank God...I said...I was beginning to feel like a moron...

I usually have no problem doing this and even do it for our neighbours when they bring me all their info.... so with a new spreadsheet format I did all the work again and low and behold...it worked...whew www... so at the least the calves are age verified.... The cattle business has gotten to be a lot more complicated in the past few years....and we know of a lot of folks that have gotten out of the business because of it...

So today it is Oct 2 and I mowed my lawn again....well not the whole lawn but certain parts of the grass seem to get more moisture and grow at twice the rate of the rest...so I mowed those sections....it took about an hour.... I also took the big 5 foot wide mower and farm tractor and mowed the ditches along our road...

Yesterday was Jen's 40th birthday....wow...that is amazing cause I can still remember the day she came home from the hospital with her mom...and kept us all awake all night....squawking.....brat...I also remember the spit up on the couch....the slimy car keys...and the smell of ripe cloth diapers wafting to us in the back seat of Dad's car....we drove with the windows down even in the dead of winter....hahahah sorry jen...but babies smell...and not always in a nice way....hahahha   you've come along way....at least you don't shit your pants anymore....

You can all thank the god's that be, that my son has found a job....so if things go well he won't have to spend the winter living out of his car....ahahahaha  it was getting desperate....and he has a mortgage to pay...but he made his girlfriend (lived together 6 yrs now)  quit her job....because he was having to drive her back and forth to town to work...she refuses to try for her drivers license...and he is making more money....ahahahahah    now let's just hope he can keep the job.....honestly at his age
(33), I shouldn't have to worry about him having a roof over his head...  When I was 34 my first husband died....leaving me to run a farm and raise a 15 yr old boy...so it kind of puts things into perspective....for me at least....ahahahaha

I got to bale some green feed yesterday...green feed is, usually oats, that is cut before it ripens into full out grain and turns golden colour....once it is cut and dried out...we bale it and it is like candy to the cows....we didn't have too much of it this year, about 80 acres....and I baled 40 acres of it yesterday..it was glorious day here....20 degrees, windy and blue blue shy...the leaves are all golden and beautiful....I love this time of the year...now if it wasn't for the neighbours god damned brush piles smoking the country up life would be good....but as soon as the wind dies down...the valley fills with heavy smoke and you have to close the windows in the house or it would fill up as well...everything smells of smoke....yuk....it has drug on for a month now... and the last few days of really nice weather are dwindling away and I can't have windows open in the house....damn..his hide anyway....hahahahha even if he does have interesting eyes....a pale grey and very intense...

Ahhhhh, Bliss

Well the big event is over with and we survived, but just barely...Poor R had to help way more than he ever has and I believe he has a whole new appreciation for the work I do.  At least I hope so.  I, as per usual put way more pressure on myself than was necessary, but I used to work well under pressure and produced my best results when that was the case but sadly, those days are gone and pressure just turns me into a screaming fishwife....even I was sick of my ranting, but couldn't make it stop...don't worry I have made a doctor's appointment, since even I know that is not normal or acceptable behavior.

As you might remember I spent the past couple of weeks cleaning the house from top to bottom, the party was a good excuse to get off my butt and get it done..and the house looks awesome and I feel better for getting it done...like a load has been lifted...I guess I was feeling guilty to let the housekeeping slide a bit.  In the past two weeks we also weaned all our calves and sold some crappy cows... I cleaned right up until the Thursday before the party...the day on which R asked me to help him haul some more cows home in preparation to sell them...It had rained off and on here the past two weeks so the ground was pretty wet...he promised we would be done by lunch and I could get back to my food preparation...well , we got done at 8;30 pm... and I was beat....so cleaned myself off of mud and shit and fell into bed..only to awaken at 2 am...sick, from low blood sugar....ahahahhaa for the first time in my life I had get up i the middle of the night and eat something....ughhhhhh... I hated it...the guilt was horrible..it went against everything I have tried to live by.. no eating after supper time... and no snacking...I really struggle with that part of this condition...

So because Thursday was a wash out...with the cattle...I had a double work load for Friday....final cleaning and cooking....I worked until 11 pm that night getting ready...

A friend was coming at noon on Saturday to help me...another first...i have never had any one come to help me before... and I have to admit to struggling with that...to unbend enough to give her jobs to do....hahahhahaha how type A...

R was  a huge help to me on Friday he stood in front of the stove helping me make my crepes, but he said he felt he should since he is the one that insisted I make 4 batches of them....honestly it filled a huge square roaster full....there is enough crepes left to freeze and eat all winter...hahahahah  meatballs too... and we made those Saturday morning... with R's help...it cut the time in half...  my friend and I had a chance to have a cup of tea and a chat...which was nice...you know, gather our thoughts before the others came...and then they were there....I had a few glitches with the food...like trying to get my gravy to thicken...that only happens when you are trying impress people...hahahahha   and a few of the people invited didn't make it...which was disappointing...but it made for a more intimate gathering which was kinda nice...and certainly made less stress for me.... the girls were great about helping with clean up and it was done in no time... the fridge is full of left overs that I will be dividing into smaller containers and freezing...for harvest time, which I hope is just around the corner....

My menu:    Turkey w/ dressing and gravy
                   Ham
                   Meat balls and mushroom gravy
                   Lazy cabbage roll casserole
                   Ukrainian crepes (w/ cottage cheese and cream)
                   mashed potatoes
                   peas and carrots from my garden
                   pickled beets, home made
                   garden fresh tomatoes
                  
and for dessert we didn't have the coconut cream and lemon meringue pies I had planned to make. R convinced me to just buy the desserts from Costco...so we had the:

                 triple chocolate mousse cake
                 mango raspberry mousse cake
  
                 and just for the record they were yucky... I should have made my pies...but it was all about saving fridge space...and not having any left over pie so I would eat it...ahahahahahah 

Every one left by 9:30 pm which was kinda lame...so R and I cleaned up a bit because my type A personality won't allow me to go to bed with the house dirty...  We were in bed by 10:30 and glad of it...we were exhausted...and I was so sore I felt like I had gotten run over by a steam roller...the stress causes the lupus to flare up....so R had to tranquilize me to get me to sleep...I couldn't lay still it ached so bad...but he still fell asleep before me and so at midnight I got up and turned the de-humidifier down to the low setting...and crawled back to bed...I must have eventually slept because it was 9 am before either of us woke up....and then we didn't want to get up so we laid there discussing the previous day until 11 am....got up had poached eggs on toast and off he went.... outside and I had to sit on my ass with my feet raised and am not allowed to do anything for fear of having to take more tranquilizers....one time is okay but two days in a row usually results in me getting sick....they interact badly with the other meds I take...so they are to be used sparingly and only in dire situations...hahahahahah

This morning while I was poaching the eggs, R just had to comment....he was shaking his head when he said " I just can't believe the difference in your mood this morning..."

hahahahha I had to laugh...and chose to take it in a good way...rather be insulted...because no matter how much in denial I may be....I can not pretend I haven't been hard to live with prior to this party....hahahhahaha  

oh well , it is over and done....and my marriage is still in tact...hahahahha

there were 18 people at my party....not many by some peoples standards but for us it was  a big deal since we haven't entertained more than 6 people at a time in the last 17 years....hahahahahah 

what a week

Lets see, last Friday we weaned the heifer calves, then on Sunday in the rain we weaned the male calves...with the truck slipping and sliding around on the clay...then out into the hay field...one trip I nearly ended up in the trees after sliding uncontrolled down the hill and not able to steer just gripped the steering wheel and wait for the tires to grab on half assed dry ground and hope it turned....it did finally, about three feet from the barbed wire fence....ahahahah R and I were white knuckling it....hahahaha but they are weaned and all the crying is over...for them...now that just leaves our tears when we take the to the auction mart and get  shafted....

we preg tested one bunch of cows on Wednesday.... in the rain...that arctic cold front moved in  and boy did it get cold....dropped down to 3.....brrrrrrr    I used to be able to preg test the cows myself...but my arms don't straighten all the way out anymore so it makes it tough and then I pay the piper for a few days after so we pay the vet....7.50 per head to do it... and then today we did the second bunch....with the head vet coming today with a practicum student...she did okay but the poor cows...I felt sorry for them , the girl vet took forever and then half of them she wasn't sure so the head vet double checked....ahahahahah  R and him got caught up on gossip while the girl and I did most of the work...I ran the head gate and after the two days of doing that my left arm is seized right up...can barely raise above my waist....   Ironically... R and I had made up a list of cows we really wanted to get rid of for a variety of reasons....and not a damn one of them ended up being open... since that is the first reason we would cull them from the herd....ahahahahah see how many are not in calf then if there aren't too many we can get rid of some of the ones we don't like for other reasons....hahahahaha  figures... oh well, R tells me that if we don't get any more feed put up because of the shitty weather here all of Sept...we will be selling more than half the herd.... we were going to have to sell a pretty hefty number anyway but more than half would be a big kick in the head...since we need X number of dollars to pay the bills...if we get rid of too many we won't make enough money to live next year....especially now that we have this debt....

It was -5.6 here this morning and I think I can officially say that the garden is finished...ahahah everything has turned black and died back...even my tougher flowers in the yard are looking pretty fried this afternoon....

As the day of this anniversary party gets closer...I find myself really sorry I ever thought of it....there are apparently rumors flying around that the family was forbidden to attend.... I hate that family....but I am under room constraints and besides if the family wanted to do something they should have planned something they could all attend...this is just a small gathering for friends to acknowledge B/N's 40 th...more B than N....since he is off his rocker....and she deserves a medal for sticking it out for 40 yrs....ahahahahahha   oh well it will soon be over and I will have leftovers galore in my freezer....muhahahahhahahaha     now hopefully R doesn't come up with anymore farm activities too close to the day so I can do all my last minute preparations....

I have cleaned my house from top to bottom...windows, walls cabinets, floors, ornaments etc.... it sparkles....I love it....tomorrow i head outside to clean up the flower beds now that the flowers are frozen...pick up some junk lying about and hey presto...I'm ready as I'll ever be..... hmmmmm coconut cream pie.....my second favorite next to lemon meringue.

Holy Crap

Wow, I had no idea, the last time I wrote here, that I would be so long in returning...this has been one crazy week.... the last I wrote, we were attempting to buy some equipment at a RB sale... well, we didn't get the tractor... our friend bid to our limit and it sold with one more bid...oh well... c'est la vie....we never got one bundle of posts....grrrrrrr or fence rails.....double grrrrrr....we did however bid successfully on a pallet containing 100 bags of cedar mulch for my flower beds.....whaaahooooo   I have never used mulch before but always admire yards that have it...we also managed to buy the new post pounder.....yeaaaaa   no more crooked posts...well at least no more using the worn out pounder as the excuse for crooked posts...ahahahah   and we got  10, 24 foot long free standing fence panels....heavy duty for the blasted bulls that are always throwing their weight around and testing our wooden fences....and that is it.... bummed about the tractor and posts but happy about not having to go further into debt....hahahahah can't have it both ways I guess...too bad though....

We had our banker lady out for supposed lunch today...I frantically cleaned the house and prepared a nice lunch...fresh garden tomato beef noodle soup, with fresh 12 grain bread and baguette with egg salad , cheese, ham, a small fruit platter and Cinnamon sour cream coffee cake...made with my own loving hands first thing this morning....and the bitch ate before she came....R was livid...since he is the one that encouraged me to make her lunch....ahahahahha oh well, more for us...so in revenge I made her sit through an hour long story about weaning the calves yesterday in the pouring rain...ahahahaha she was bored, I could tell. 

We weaned the girl calves on Friday they  weighed 700 lb. average and the boy calves on Sunday they weighed 804 lb average... not bad......went well until the last two loads, when it started to pour rain...and then when we had them hauled home...we had to weigh them...in the pouring rain...try to keep paper dry in a deluge....I had a piece of plastic hanging over the fence post and had to keep ducking under it to read the scale and write it down... today I have a crick in my neck... and R is going to haul a few cows to the auction mart.... 

my ankle is three times it's normal size and quite sore..so I am opting to stay home...and read a good book...or sleep... 

more tomorrow, I have to go eat some egg salad on 12 grain bread....mmmmmmmm

Rumours of my passing have been greatly exaggerated

Contrary to popular belief, I have not died....or dropped off the face of the planet...ahahaha just been extraordinarily busy.   The party I am throwing for my friends 40 th..anniversary is turning out to be more work than even I anticipated....and I have decided to do my party pre-cleaning and fall cleaning all in one fell swoop....I started with the master bedroom....wow...I cleaned out the walk in and wiped all the shelves down then put all the clothes back...only better....washed all the fake plants around the tub...and some of you will be happy to know that I threw all but one of them out after washing, they were faded....I washed walls, windows and curtains....

I then moved on to the main bathroom....sanitized the shower....washed the walls, light fixtures and vanity...sparkling clean now....R came home and went in there to shower...but came out right away...and asked..." can I use this bathroom"....  and I said No not until after the party....you should have seen the look on his face...he actually believed me...ahahahahahha it was funny..... so I had to say.... no go ahead....next week I start on the great room/kitchen.....

Today I worked outside...we had a light frost last night and my garden is officially finished.... I picked my pumpkins...they are huge....well okay not like 900 lbs or anything but I can't get my arms around them so that is big for here....the unfortunate part is there were only three of them......where the hell were the bees.....these three I actually pollinated myself....

I am still having a time with this blood sugar thing....and trying to not get too anal about the numbers....but yesterday....I just had a single bunwich...and  a few carrot sticks...and  a couple of hours later took my blood and it was only 3.9..... on the low side....apparently not enough to eat....now there is a kicker....not ENOUGH to eat....ahahahahah  I don't often have that problem...

My ankle is still three times its normal size and R is adamant that I am getting a brace....yah great...now my shoes won't fit....  but it hurts so much that I am willing to try it...

well tomorrow we are heading into the city...to check out some items at an auction sale...that is on Thursday... I have an early hair appointment..and then away we go...

the guys are coming on Wednesday to finish the Murphy bed install..and then I will take more pics with all my gear in there....it is all there now but the computer....didn't want it to get dusty when they did their finishing touches....

My niece is coming to visit in November and both R and I are excited...it has been about 12 years since her first and only visit....I only wish she were staying longer but I will not complain.... 

Gotta hit the hay now...early start tomorrow....

Day 5

If someone had told me it would take me nearly a week to put stuff back in the spare room, I would have scoffed....but low and behold here it is day 5 and I still have piles of junk in my bedroom.  My intention was to re-arrange some of my book collection, perhaps into a more accessible space, but it was not to be...I apparently own to many romance novels...how can that be.... but I find myself in the horns of a dilemma.... no space for all the novels, which ones do I edit and give away...OMG...the stress is killing me...  so I left it for tomorrow...piles of books everywhere.... but quite frankly if it weren't for my daily escape into historical romance... I would be an even bigger basket case than I am.   They are my balm...

I am not sure why I find them so entertaining....the heroine is always slim, pretty, knows instinctually what to wear, always says just the right thing and always marries a man who would die for her.....well they don't call them fiction for nothing.

The guy always has a six pack of abdominals, great hair, is rich and not a pig....okay now I see the attraction....he doesn't leave dirty socks everywhere, or leave the toilet seat up, belch, scratch his balls or come in and ask "what's for dinner". hahahaha

I love my books and have some of them memorized....and before you ask....R already beat you to it....he asked " well if you have them memorized why do you have to keep them"....and I retaliated...by asking..." if I made you get rid of half your tools, which ones would you throw out."    " Okay, point taken" he said.  So I am doing a small edit of my least favorite...and keeping the rest...I figure if times get really tough and I have to stop buying new ones...I can re-read the ones I have again...I have already done that a couple of times ( in the lean years). I must have about 200 books and have limited myself to them fitting on one shelf in my closet...when they don't fit there, I have to edit...

I have also taken the bull by the horns and edited some of our clothes too....you know, we all have them, clothes we used to wear when we were slimmer, I had a rubbermaid container with a couple pairs of skinny jeans (for me that means like a size 16) and a tye dyed hippy tunic shirt....I mean who am I kidding, even if I dropped 60 lbs...I still wouldn't want to be caught dead in that shirt....so I am giving them to the thrift shop... I even convince R to let me part with the cranberry coloured parka he bought me the first winter we were married...I wore it two years and the metal zipper and snaps gave me a rash (metal allergy)  and then I kind of expanded and it got very tight...I could still get it on and done up but it was snug and between that and the metal thing...I just never wore it...so I figure some homeless lady will love to have it...it has rabbit fur trim on the hood and all.....sigh.....I loved that parka....


I also parted with a brick red western coat with leather collar and cuffs...another favorite...but it is 3 sizes too big now (got it during my balloon years....hahahah)  the last time I wore it...R said I looked like I had stolen some one else's coat...it was so big...(that's a good thing I guess)   but I liked that coat...any way in the end the closet is less full and I feel better for getting rid of those clothes hanging over my head...you know....(expectations of fitting them again...sorta)...not that I would want to fit the big coat again....R is happy to see that one go...

the Murphy bed guy has cancelled on me and won't come until next week...which is a busy one for us....a big auction sale that we hope to buy a  few things at....keep our fingers crossed...

I called my son yesterday...just to touch base. since his Birthday is coming up next week....but honestly, after chatting with him for just a few minutes, I wanted to kill myself....I am not sure why such stupid shit happens to him all the time...but it is like he walks around with a black cloud hanging over his head, pouring down rain all the time... I am convinced he will lose his house, for not making the mortgage payments...

I know about being depressed but honestly, you can make it better, it just takes a big effort...and he doesn't seem to want to lift it from himself... he won't see a doctor about it....he isn't working, he has no friends, no money and apparently no hope.... 

I was in a pretty good mood these last couple of weeks but it is very sobering to hear your kid so down on life...and he drags me down with him...I should have just sent a card in the mail...like R suggested....ho hum....

Okay Then

Sigh..... I am in a better frame of mind this afternoon....I spent the day putting stuff back into the new cabinetry in the spare room....sorting through some old paper work and turfing what wasn't needed... tonight I hope to hang some of my paintings back on the wall and get them off my bed....the TV still doesn't fit...ahhahah not that I thought a good nights sleep would make it....the wall beds guy called and said don't sweat it... he will bring stain and fix the scratches...as for the TV he is stick thinking about how to fix that dilemma... R says we will just pick up a flat screen and it will fit....they are only 250. bucks....but I know what will happen then...he will like it so much that we will just have to have one in our room and then the living room....Kajing, Kajing...Kajing...

it is very cool here the past two days...only a high of 10....brrrrrrr  our furnace even came on ... 

I am hosting a 40th anniversary for a pair of friends ....it started out just being a small dinner party..since they didn't want to bother doing anything for themselves...and then we added a few more guests...and then they added a few more...until it has escalated into a  20-25 quest thing.....chairs will have to be borrowed....and I will end up doing all the cooking since most of my other friends that are invited are all working that day...no sweat...though I used to host 30- 40 person parties in my first marriage...Ukrainians have big families ....and love to party.... but it has been 18 years since I have had that many guests....and I ma not my invincible self any more...so it could be a challenge....to top it all off...their kids never got back to me about whether we should have it or not until just the other day...the party is on sept 25....I need more time to get my head around it....you know,.. gird my loins...so to speak...hahahahaha

I just hope there are no last minute additions to the guests...or heads will roll....

it is really more a recognition of my friend B's having lived with N for so long...party...she deserves a medal....a very big medal...but we have to include N in the celebration or he would be suspicious...hahahahah like he isn't already....

I am having company in Nov. for five days....whoooo peeeeee.... I am excited, our first guest to stay in our new murphy bed...ahahahaha....and we will be going on a small road trip to see the dead gopher museum in Torrington AB.    I know I could have lived out the rest of my life without seeing taxidermied gophers dressed up in clothes portraying the local townspeople...but when you love someone you make sacrifices...ahahahahahahaha  sort of like when I start showing her our favorite cows and she smiles and nods her head like she really cares.......that's love....

I'm good to go if there is chinese food involved...ahahahaha I'm easy...

heading into the city tomorrow to the Ritchie Brothers auction site to look at some landscaping material that is up for auction.....I am excited about that too....

I am expecting the wall beds people to show up this friday to do the finishing touches...then I can set up my computer back in that room and do my final decorating touches...so that I can invite the banker to come and see what we donated our right arm and left ear for.... she would like to see it...so we have to make it nice...
I even finally hung the oval bevelled mirror I bought 10 years ago...when we first built this house...it has been collecting dust under the bed all these years and the other day I saw a diy project about hanging a mirror so you can take it with you when you move...it worked like a hot damn...and I am very pleased with the new look of our guest bathroom...hot diggety dog....I'm on a roll.....what's next....hmmmmmmmm