Oh, the fickleness of life

 I sometimes have to stop and remember to breath....things just get so hectic...today for instance, we were slow getting out of bed after our day in the city yesterday...and now that there is snow on the ground it seems less imperative to rise early and head outdoors.  brrrrrr.....

we scarffed down a couple of pieces of raisin toast and turned on the computer where upon I was chained the rest of the day.... logged on to a an online auction sale of agriculture equipment....even watching paint dry would have been more exciting but R had set me a task and god forbid I not perform to the best of my ability.... Telus cut me off a total of 5 times, at which time I had to start all over again... dial sucks the big dick in the sky....I have wet dreams about high speed....hahahahaha 

we never ate again until 4:30......shame shame shame....my blood sugars were low...and my hands were shaking....not good... so now i am going to go and have a late supper....what I don't know...but R isn't in yet so I can have what I want...a bowl of honey nut cheerios with nice cold milk sets my taste buds to tingling so off I will go....

tomorrow is road trip day...heading to Innisfail to a cattle sale....oh yay...
the last one I went to I ended up with pneumonia....lets hope this one is better...well the results anyway...I don't like staying in hotels anymore...one never knows what you will bring home with you.... hopefully the dogs don't tear any more wood trim off the barn door trying to get outside while we are gone on our overnight trip or the fur will fly.

Yesterday was just one of those days, you know the ones...where,upon waking you make some general plans for the day and before you even are out of bed life is throwing monkey wrenches to them...."The best laid plans of mice and men......."

I had decided that after catching up on bit of light housekeeping and getting a hearty dinner in the oven, I would pull out the old easel and get back to my half finished painting that was abandoned in early June for farm work.  But alas it was not to be...as the phone rang (a rare occurrence other than telemarketers) and the son of our friends wanted to come and get some grain for his chickens. That, along with a late rising took up most of the morning...at noon, we got another call from my long time and very dear friends Clarence and Phyllis, they wanted to come for a visit. So we accepted....the hearty meal I had made got put on the back burner and we just had a sandwich for lunch...we had a lovely visit with them, getting caught up on all their family news and vice a versa...they stayed for supper and I served my smothered chicken casserole...they left around 7 pm....and surprisingly our other friends from town drove in as they were leaving...they had brought a turkey carcass for the dogs and a box of fresh carrots for us...since the fox had dug and eaten the rest of mine in the garden...

They stayed for a couple of hours and I am afraid I was poor company since I was so tired that I had trouble keeping my eyes open... but that is the way things happen here, nearly always....we don't see anyone for days on end sometimes even weeks and then whamo...everybody in the same day...hahahaha  

It was snowing lightly by the time our last company left...last night...and when we awoke this morning there was over 6 inches of wet heavy snow on the ground...oddly enough just two days before it had been +14 and sunny and windy... I hope this melts and we have a wee bit more nice weather before winter socks in to stay, since I still have a couple of more projects to complete before then....  I spent this afternoon on the Internet  researching the things I couldn't do when I had no connection.  R is busy trying to haul the straw bales home so that the manure guys can come and clean the corrals and have somewhere to spread the manure... still busy...then...as always.

hope you are all doing okay...no one ever emails anymore so I just assume you are doing well....

Shingles, but NOT Shingles

I was layed low last week with shingles....It all started on Monday Oct 11, the left side of my head felt really sore, like I had banged it on something...by tuesday morn, it was horribly sore..and sensitive to the lightest touch...even down the back side of my neck. By Wednesday, I couldn't move my head and it had sprouted huge, goose egg sized bumps all over the left side.. my head was visibly misshapen. While all of this was going on..we were desperately trying to get our crop off ....we had left the swathing (my job) until we were ready to combine because of the inclement weather...so when R's friend finally got the combine going again it was necessary for me to swath the grain...nearly 200 acres.  I drowned my self in tylenol, grit my teeth and went to work...All day tuesday, all day wednesday.... thursday morning saw my head on fire, pain like you have never felt before...the bumps and now fluid filled blisters everywhere...down the left side of my face, jaw and neck as well as all over the left side of my head...and new bumps on the back of my head...so I was sleep deprived...with only one side of my head that I could actually lay on the pillow...and a spasming neck, I was in a living hell.....

I had an appointment in the city with my Rheumatologist and during that appointment she asked if I had any new pain to tell her about, I said my head, she looked...said it was probably shingles and sent me for an emergency dermatology appointment...so we didn't make it home that day to combine like we had planned...we spent it in waiting rooms...the dermatologist examined my head said it was shingles...gouged a hole in my head to take a biopsy of one of the blisters...and gave me a prescription for anti-virals...said to take tylenol for the pain...but I had been all along and it was not effective...It took several more days of pain and blisters before I began seeing an improvement... and one week after seeing the dermatologist Ihad an appointment with my family doctor...he had the results of the biopsy  that the derm. had sent to him and the test for shingles was NEGATIVE.....  my doctor did not seem too concerned...he said that my immune system was so screwed up that I reacted different to things that anyone else he knew....but if the anti viral worked it must have been shingles....

I am still confused about that one....  the left side of my head is still very tender...and aches a bit...but the bumps are almost gone and the blisters have cleared up...I never want to have those again...but apparently because of my suppressed immune system...they could...come back, that is.

The good news is that I was back to work swathing on Friday...then Sat, Sun and Monday I spent baling the straw after the combine...and we got the crop off...I have been wiped ever since...a result of pushing myself so hard...

The past couple of days have been spent helping R haul the bales home and move the cows onto some hay fields...today is a day off for me...after I make lunch that is..and do laundry and vacuum...hahahahahaha  I get to start preparing for my nieces visit in November... I am so excited...family rarely ever visits...so I am stoked...got a lot of visiting to cram into 4 days....so I want to have most of the stuff prepared before hand...more time to visit that way ....   heheheheheheeeeeeeeee  excited....!!!!!

tEsTiNG TESTING 1 2 3...

Geez does this thing even still work....  Well, what a gluttonous glob of bull dung that all was... I am not even making sense because I haven't processed it all  yet myself...but be assured that over the next few days I hope to articulate just what the hell has been going on here... Shit, I feel like the survivor of a nuclear holocaust...no really... my head is still spinning. Okay, it seems like a shit load of crap happened to me but I am sure you will all find it just ho-hum... what ever....that's my new attitude.... I am going to mirror what people project to me... I am a mirror....you give me shit, I show you shit right back...you give me happy, I am all about the happy....hahahaha get it....

I will summarize my past few weeks....
cattle weaned
calves and cows sold
worked like a maniac with a severely sore ankle (when I should have been in bed)
hurt the other foot and didn't walk for nearly a week
Lost the use of the internet for nearly 10 days (thanks Telus)
Had tons of important stuff to do on the net prior to machinery sale (thanks again Telus)
Had five calls to Telus about the connection before someone finally gave me a solution
Spent dozens of hours researching a tractor only to finally watch R just sit back and let it be sold without even placing a bid...there's 20 hours of my life I'll never get back...
Oh, ya lets not forget the tumors on my head that gave me excruciating pain for over a week, to the point where I was nonsensical...
Anti Viral meds that made me puke my gut out three times a day for the past ten days
All this while forced to swath 200 acres of grain  and bale 400 round bales of straw...all by myself...

GOD IS TESTING ME.....

more to follow... I am exhausted and must go to bed...but now that I have internet again... you will here all about it. just be patient...I have to work my way through it...

Groan-niiinnnggg

Cough, cough....ouch ouch....owwwwwwwww... It would be a very short list of things that don't hurt today... I am not sure why either...as yesterday was a pretty easy day...sat around waiting for R to be ready to go to town then sat in the truck while we were in town...and then went outside in the early evening to spread some more mulch..and then sat around some more watching tv....oh the life...actually I hate days like that.  keep me busy, that's what I like the best.  

Well the calves sold for a pretty decent price...and so did the cows...all in all we came home with a pretty nice cheque...and then we went to town and the bank swallowed it all...but the good news is all next years payments are made. yipheeeee... we get to farm for another year....hahahahaha

I shouldn't bitch too much, because the farm does provide us with a living...and a not to shabby one either but it is the cost that gets to me...it is like making a deal with the devil (not that I have ever done that personally) you know, you get to keep farming but it costs you your soul...  and your first born child and right arm and your sanity...a small price to pay for the good life...right ?

We ended up having a bit of money left over and our banker asked innocently if perhaps we would be taking a holiday.....I stared at her for about a minute and then I burst out laughing....R was appalled...but I had tears streaming down my face and had to excuse myself from her office....while I was gone R explained that we have no one to keep an eye on things if we were to think about going on a trip...but you know what I have come to conclude..is that that is just an excuse...an excuse to not ever bother...he likes being here everyday...puttering...that's what he does...putters...little bit of this gets done, little bit of that....so we have dozens of jobs half done and nothing ever completed....hahahahah  HE'S DRIVING ME CRAZY... I thought I could put up with it...but it's been 17 years now and I HATE IT........

Thanksgiving....hmmmmm I am not doing it this year...we  have been invited to our friends who were nice enough to include us in their family plans....the same people for whom I threw the anniversary party.   Yes...we have become that sad childless couple who have no where to go for holidays and everyone feels sorry for...well not everyone, we did only receive one invite....hahahahha  I don't know what we will do for Xmas...since they are going to vegas....alas...we will have to cook our own turkey...

I thought about inviting my son but he has never shown up in the past when invited...the last time he did (5 yrs ago) they came 10 minutes before the dinner was served...they were fighting....they ate and then as soon as the pie was finished...they left.   No visit, no board games, nothing....R would rather not have them and I feel somewhat the same way...better to be by ourselves that with negativity... So I will put up our tree and the outside lights to cheer us up and cook our bird...perhaps our bachelor JW Friend will eat with us, although the JW's do not celebrate Xmas...but maybe since we don't actually do any celebrating he may come....hahahaha  hopefully he has a shower this time...those old bachelor's can get a little crusty in the winter when the water lines in their trailer freeze up....hahahahhaha

I am having quite a problem getting around today...yesterday when I was outside in the garden I crouched down on the balls of my feet... and today my right foot is swollen and sore at the joint where my big toe meets my foot...it is so sore and stiff I can't bend it...and any pressure on it is excruciating...and then my left ankle is still very sore...and causes me to limp...so when I do walk today I am crouched over like an old hag...and teetering from one foot to the next....good grief....just shoot me now...if you had a dog in this bad a shape you would have had it put down....

This cursed arthritis is horrible... I'm done....

Owwwwww

Well, early this morning R and I headed out to the corrals to sort the calves...at 10 am two semi trucks with cattle liners pulled into the yard and one backed up to the loading chute....the nicely rebuilt loading chute....hahahaha  the driver even commented on it....

Our neighbour is one of the drivers of the first truck and his boss and the owner of the trucks was driving the other...along with his wife...who used to be my old neighbour when I lived closer to Barrhead..., her first husband died too and she remarried...ironically she ended up being my neighbour once again....

Anyway we started loading the steers first....and then the heifer calves....that truck full we backed the second one up and put a few more steers on it and then all the cows that we had decided to cull, some open (not bred) and others just because of shitty calves or bad attitude...if you ask me it wasn't nearly enough of them... but there may yet be another cull....when we have a total tally on the feed for the winter... we refuse to buy feed so the cows get sold instead....
By 11 am they were on their way to the auction mart...Tomorrow we will rise early and make the three hour drive down to the auction and watch them sell, and pick up the cheque at the end of the day... I am hoping they sell well so we can make all the payments...

I pack a lunch when we go to the auction....the burgers and stuff are horribly expensive there and not to tasty...we take egg salad sandwiches and carrot and celery sticks...with water and a couple of cookies with apple wedges....then we head up to the city and do a bit of grocery shopping and hit the Chinese food place...and home....

so wish us luck...the more money per pound the better...

Friends have taken pity on us and invited us to spend thanksgiving with them and their family...we have been there before...and that is always very nice of them... usually we go for Christmas too but this year, since their son's marriage has ended this fall they are taking him to Vegas for Christmas...7 days ....they are going to take the helicopter ride down and through the grand canyon...  I've always wanted to do that....R did it years ago when he was young...with friends....in a small plane....  Me, I haven't been anywhere or done anything....just work work work...I guess that's all I'm good for and not even that anymore....

today loading the cattle R kept telling me to wait until he got there to close the gate....but the cattle would always turn back by the time he got there and then we had trouble getting them to head up the chute again...so finally after about the 8th time...I just turned around and told him...." IF YOU DON'T WANT ME OUT HERE RUNNING AFTER CATTLE, YOU BETTER SELL THEM ALL, BECAUSE AS LONG AS WE HAVE THEM AND YOU NEED HELP I WILL HAVE TO BE OUT HERE DOING THIS SHIT...."    but ask me if I think it helped...., did the message get through....he just looked pissed...and then shut up...so I guess that tells me what he thinks.... he loves me but he loves the farm more....I know, I know....it's more complicated than that...he worries how we would make a living...would I be any happier.... but I can't help but take it a bit personally...after all I wonder how long we would be farmer if he had been the one to be diagnosed with a debilitating disease...and his bones were crumbling away from under him.... I always tell him, " MAKEPEACE, IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENS TO  YOU AND YOU CAN'T DO YOUR FARM WORK...WE ARE HOOPED...CAUSE YOU'VE GOT IT SET UP SO SCREWY...THAT I WON'T BE ABLE TO DO IT FOR YOU." and we don't have any friends that are capable either...they are all a fair bit older than us or have never done farm work before... screwed I tell you, screwed...hahahahahaa

Well anyway I had better quit blogging and go make the lunch for tomorrow...we have to leave pretty early...

Oh ya, the diabetic day in the city yesterday was informative but in a very general way...but oh my god the one thing we both took home from the whole thing was the sorest asses we have ever had....hahahhahaha it was in the auditorium of the Misericordia Hospital....and the amphitheatre type seats were so old and uncomfortable.that we could barely hear the speaker for people shifting in their seats and the squeaky noise was drowning her out....hahahaha as soon as there were breaks people lept out of their seats...ahahahah  I finally gave in and moved to stand against the wall and ate my lunch....it was hell...didn't get what I really wanted from the class but it was a start....now I will look into a better one...preferably at a different site...hahahahhaha  I bet they have really short staff meetings there....

I made my ankle so sore today that I will have to figure out how to wear my ankle brace again and still wear my town shoes....rather than the shitting farm ones...hahahhaha  okay for the auction but not so cool for costco....hahahahah

Oh what I wouldn't give for a month long vacation far far away from any god damned farm....or anything resembling one... a nice white sandy beach somewhere not too hot...with a well muscled eunuch serving me my meals and drinks while I sit on a soft cushioned lounger in the shade of a local palm tree....there would have to be no bugs, no snakes and no sex.....and definitely no skinny people....hahahhahaha   just fatties...no bikinis allowed just cotton sundresses and flip flops...all my favorite music playing in the back ground...and absolutely no phones ringing...text if you must but turn the ringer off....it's my dream, after all...and if I say no phone, there's no phones....oh ya and I would have an endless supply of historical romance novels at my finger tips...because the guys in those books always turn out to be a prince and never the lowly toads that most men are...when they stop trying....ahhahahahaha  oh boy does that sound jaded or what....

No things are fine between my hubby and I, really....I am just a bit disillusioned I guess. Perhaps I am coming to realize just how important I am in the big scheme of things or rather, unimportant....very humbling that...you know.

Well I spent a very frustrating couple of days using an excel spreadsheet and filling in over a hundred  9 digit calf tag numbers and their birth dates and other pertinent info...to then try to upload it to the Canadian Cattle Identification Association. A bit of fall from the BSE fiasco....we are now required by law to tag all animals on the farm with these radio frequency computer chipped ear tags...which all have a nine digit number on them, each tag has a different number and is allotted to our farm only....and then you have to record all the info on the spreadsheet and send it via Internet to their office. After a bit of time passes (hours) you can go back to their site and allegedly print off a certificate which verifies the birth date of those specific cattle that you must, by law, send to the auction market where you are selling your cattle...

So ours are going to market on Tuesday...and I worked on these spreadsheets for two days in a row...for hours and hours....and they would not upload...I finally, on Friday had to phone their office with my cell, while tying up the land line with the computer online.....hahahaha and ask them what the hell I had done wrong... which was apparently nothing....he said he could not see any mistakes...made by me...that it had to be the spreadsheet....Thank God...I said...I was beginning to feel like a moron...

I usually have no problem doing this and even do it for our neighbours when they bring me all their info.... so with a new spreadsheet format I did all the work again and low and behold...it worked...whew www... so at the least the calves are age verified.... The cattle business has gotten to be a lot more complicated in the past few years....and we know of a lot of folks that have gotten out of the business because of it...

So today it is Oct 2 and I mowed my lawn again....well not the whole lawn but certain parts of the grass seem to get more moisture and grow at twice the rate of the rest...so I mowed those sections....it took about an hour.... I also took the big 5 foot wide mower and farm tractor and mowed the ditches along our road...

Yesterday was Jen's 40th birthday....wow...that is amazing cause I can still remember the day she came home from the hospital with her mom...and kept us all awake all night....squawking.....brat...I also remember the spit up on the couch....the slimy car keys...and the smell of ripe cloth diapers wafting to us in the back seat of Dad's car....we drove with the windows down even in the dead of winter....hahahah sorry jen...but babies smell...and not always in a nice way....hahahha   you've come along way....at least you don't shit your pants anymore....

You can all thank the god's that be, that my son has found a job....so if things go well he won't have to spend the winter living out of his car....ahahahaha  it was getting desperate....and he has a mortgage to pay...but he made his girlfriend (lived together 6 yrs now)  quit her job....because he was having to drive her back and forth to town to work...she refuses to try for her drivers license...and he is making more money....ahahahahah    now let's just hope he can keep the job.....honestly at his age
(33), I shouldn't have to worry about him having a roof over his head...  When I was 34 my first husband died....leaving me to run a farm and raise a 15 yr old boy...so it kind of puts things into perspective....for me at least....ahahahaha

I got to bale some green feed yesterday...green feed is, usually oats, that is cut before it ripens into full out grain and turns golden colour....once it is cut and dried out...we bale it and it is like candy to the cows....we didn't have too much of it this year, about 80 acres....and I baled 40 acres of it yesterday..it was glorious day here....20 degrees, windy and blue blue shy...the leaves are all golden and beautiful....I love this time of the year...now if it wasn't for the neighbours god damned brush piles smoking the country up life would be good....but as soon as the wind dies down...the valley fills with heavy smoke and you have to close the windows in the house or it would fill up as well...everything smells of smoke....yuk....it has drug on for a month now... and the last few days of really nice weather are dwindling away and I can't have windows open in the house....damn..his hide anyway....hahahahha even if he does have interesting eyes....a pale grey and very intense...