To The Happy People of the World

Go f' yourselves. 

Try as I might, I just cannot seem to attain a lasting happiness....to me it is like some oft spoke of land of fairy. Glittering light, twinkling chimes, laughter, giggles and warm fuzzy feelings.

I catch rare glimpses of it, I imagine I can feel it, like the fluttery feeling of a butterfly's wing on my cheek, but then, no....not quite...but close, so very close....

Close enough to keep me yearning...

Misery, I protect my misery, like a child in my care, it comforts me, it is familiar, like an old sweater of my dads, I cling to it, I feel it...but I know it well....why reach for the unknown, when the familiar is here, easy and accessible...empty but mine.  Just once I would feel the sensation...of happiness, contentment, just once, then could I find it again upon will. Cling to it and no other feeling. Fill myself full of it, and share it...gift it to loved ones...

But no, it is not meant for me, whether deserving or not I will yearn from afar for what others sometimes find...