A Better Day

I had hoped that getting my frustration off my chest on this blog would make today a better day....but that didn't happen. I should really not blog on here when I am in such a foul mood.  We lost two more calves last night...that's right, this calving season is turning into a gong show.  I take that back, it's not turning into one, it just flat is one...it's official.  We have had twelve cows calf, three of them having twins so that should be a total of 15 calves...we have 10 live calves. Not a very good start...even though we have lost 5 calves other years during the whole calving time, this is quite a few so early in the season...it makes me nervous about what's to come.. since we are just getting started. The first calf was a stillbirth, premature and probably killed in the cow by her fighting with other cows...when the cows and heifers are put together there is always a big hoopla over pecking order...then the next calf to die was twin from a cow that had twins last year and lost them both....during the night...this one, same thing, was having them at 3 am and when Robert went out to check there was only one alive...the third calf to die was the one the mother layed on...The cows are put out of their pen for an hour tops, while Robert spreads fresh bedding...that day, he got sidetracked and it was more like three hours....standing in the snow...so she had it and then layed down to expel the afterbirth and the only place to lay down was where the calf was...so she did....then these two calves last night....oh my god... I was out there in the afternoon to help Robert since he was having trouble getting all his work done and watch the cows....no problem...so at 4 pm I was told I was no longer needed...and I told him there was a second calver starting to show signs of calving...restless, pacing and laying down and getting up, but no water bag yet...he said okay....so I went to the house....at 7 pm I had a bowl of soup and was still waiting for Robert to come in for his...well at 10 pm, he buzzed me on the intercom to tell me he was just about to get that same cow in the barn to see what was happening....because she still hadn't calved... Jesus H Christ... one of the elementary rules of calving cows is ....from the first signs of calving, to two hours later if no calf is delivered you reach into the cow and feel what the hell is going wrong.... he was busy, moving snow, and feeding grain to the bulls and what, what.....fucked up that's what... so he reached in and said on the intercom...I think it's just one calf....but it's upside down or sideways...or something.... what should I do.... he asked.... I told him to shoot her...cause a cow is worth $800. and to have the vet drive out at 11 pm and either deliver the calf or perform a Cesarean section is gonna cost $400-500.
I was joking about shooting her of course, since we don't have shells for our rifle and Robert does not know how to fire a gun. but what the hell was I suppose to say... phone the vet you fucking idiot...!!!!!!!!!

He called the vet, she came....and I found out this morning that she did not have to perform a Cesarean section, she just untangled twins and pulled them out but of course they were already dead....so two more dead calves to add to the growing pile and a depressed cow who walks around moooing for a baby... what a fucking dunce...honest to god... I don't know what his problem is this year...

so this morning after he tells me about the dead calves...we had an argument and I decided that he was UNable to cope on his own, that he was overwhelmed with all the work... so I got dressed for outside and headed out to the barn with him after breakfast...I shovelled manure out of the pens and he used the tractor to push it out of the barn, I shovelled snow so we could open more gates...I stood around for hours watching the cows, I must have walked up and down that big hill he feeds the cows on at least a dozen times checking...then I opened a few gates for him and the tractor while he fed hay...and finally we tagged another calf that was born yesterday, a live one for a change...

So now I am in the house ... crippled up...see I have been having this back thing for a couple of years now and it has taken a turn for the worst this winter... I am afraid to move...a nerve is being pinched between the discs in my spine and it causes my whole body to go limp...or the muscles in my back to spasm....  the connective tissue that holds our bones together is one of the major things my LUPUS attacks...so I have really loose joints...well I have been told that the ligaments and tendons that hold the spine upright...are so loose now that the discs in my back are popping out of line.. causing my ribs to move and so muscle and nerves are being stretched and pinched...there isn't much they can do... spinal surgery, inserting a steel rod up my spine will keep that from happening but render me nearly unbendable... I am not sure what I will decide to do... but in the mean time.. I am having a bit of hard time getting around and am in a lot of pain...I have osteoporosis because the chemo injection I get every week has depleted my bone mass..wha wha wha.... so I have some health issues...and I should fucking well not have to do this shitty farm work..32 years now and counting... but ...no one seems to get it...but I'll go out everyday now and do my share of work...hopefully it kills me off. Then I won't have to do it any more.    THE END.