Failure to Grow up

You know how when you eat a handful of Walnuts...mmmmmm they are so good and then you pop a nice big one in your mouth and it is the most bitter vile shit you ever tasted...well...kids are like that....

Now, I know what you're thinking...Oh here she goes again...whining about her loser son..... well surprise, surprise....it's not about him...specifically...I've dis-owned him...he is DEAD to me....hahahahha for now...for my own sanity, I have to do this...

No this is about kids in general...just some observances I've made over the years...

Like why do we as parents...place our kids in a rosy bubble...where they live under the assumption that life is all about them, it's grand and generous and fair. Where we all get exactly what we want, when we want it and at little expenditure on our part...It's like we are setting them up for disappointment and ourselves a life time of grief... We give to them until we have nothing left to give...

The mistake we make is not letting them live in the real world...where they will have to work their asses off just to have enough to eat...work hard at a job they may hate and smile while they do it... They may actually have to work a life time only to find that they even then can't afford  to retire or buy that lake house...or fancy car they always dreamed of owning.

We let them spend their weekends lolling around in bed or at the mall...when in real life ...they will be either working a second job or taxiing their kids all over creation or catching up on the honey do list of chores that they are six months behind on...

We baby them until they turn 18 and then kick them out into the world or they jump out of the nest on their own thinking they are prepared, awesome and everyone is going to love and coddle them just like their parents did and whamoo.... the real world hits them square in the face...and most of them don't survive...

Now, I 'm not saying we have to abuse their tender self esteem but we need to better prepare them for what they WILL face....competition, insignificance, indifference and out right hostility. Not...oh honey you are the smartest girl in the world...oh you're so beautiful...oh baby you're so talented... Where the hell did this every kid wins a ribbon mentality come from....  When I was a kid in school and we were having sports day... and you didn't enter any events, you didn't get a ribbon...if you came in fourth, fifth, sixth, or god forbid last, you didn't get a ribbon... you only got a ribbon if you ran the fastest, jumped the highest or threw the furthest. So come on what's with this every kids a winner... On parent teacher days, when parents were invited to come in to the class room and view their child's work...speak with the teacher, my parents never came. I was the kid that sat at my desk and watched my friends show their parents their art work and the stars they earned on the top of their arithmetic work book...my best friends parents would come and look at my stuff when they saw me sitting at my desk with my hands tucked under my legs...and I swore I wasn't gonna cry...no sir...not me...I saved it til I was walking home from school and got to an empty house...Dad out in camp working and Mom at the bar.... but you know what... in spite of them not caring enough to make an appearance...I earned stars...I won honour roles and ran races and won ribbons...because I worked really hard...I had trouble reading as a kid...mild dyslexia...they discovered...but with remedial reading classes and a great caring teacher I conquered it...

I had to work very hard for everything I wanted... even love....and it made me strong...it made me smart...

Kids now a days want what they see their parents have, the nice vehicles, fancy house...and expensive holidays...but they don't want to work the thirty years or so it took their parents to get all that...noooooo they want it today...and you're suppose to get it for them...or at least help...

how many of them get out of school and want that $30. / hour job and work only three days a week..and if they can't have that job they don't take any job... I was constantly telling my son that $10/hour  is better than $0./hour... and any job will put food on the table until a better job comes along...the key is to actually work... but nope, most young people just don't get it...

Because we don't make them do any thing... they don't mow grass, garden, cook, clean, laundry or pay bills... so is it any wonder why they flounder when they move out on their own...I have a friend whose 32 yr old daughter is still living at home...oh she's lived on her own for brief spurts of time...long enough to run her credit cards up and get behind in her rent because she hasn't quite caught on to the correlation between her bad spending habits and lack of funds...then she runs back home and her parents let her live for free with them until she is feeling confident again and her debts are paid off..then off she goes...to run her cards up again...because she wants that same lifestyle she had at home...where her whole pay check goes toward fun...clothes, entertainment..etc....and her parents pay the phone bill, heat, power and food bills... they need to lock the door the next time she moves out and not let her back in..it is the kindest thing to do... because there is an minimum age restriction at most nursing homes you know...I don't think they would be too happy if that elderly couple where to have their 5o something year old daughter move there with them...

People need to keep it real with their kids...I cannot stress this enough... you are not doing them any favours molly coddling them to death... so here are some basic realities you need to make them aware of:

You are not the center of the Universe..
You most likely will not get your own reality show
You are not beautiful enough to be a fashion model
You will probably never win an Oscar
You may have to take a job you don't like just to pay the bills
You may not get that job that was perfect for you even though you were the most qualified.
You may have to rent a lot of houses before you can afford to own your own.
You may have to use public transit and never afford your own vehicle
You may have to work two jobs to put yourself through University
You may have to save for a few years and live frugally to save up the down payment on your first place
You may have to bend a little when your husband or wife wants something different than you...not just get a divorce cause he doesn't treat you like a princess.  He was good enough to marry, he should be good enough to live with once you get over yourself.
 
Cause I have news for you...life is almost never easy, kind or fair...it's hard work, it sucks most of the time...and if you are one of the fortunate few, you die in your sleep at age 35....before you lose your job to down sizing, your husband leaves you for your babysitter, and your kids throw all the sacrifices you made for them back in your face by becoming a street busker...

We need to stop this destructive cycle...stop buffering our kids from the real world...it's a war out there people and we're sending our kids out to fight with a floaty noodle and fairy wings...