Another Day, another Dime ( used to be a dollar but times are tough) hahaha.
While I was venting a bit of steam one day in conversation with Robt. words came out of my mouth that I had never heard before. I know what you are thinking....swear words rights....well you'd be partially right, some of what I said was cursing but I had a bit of an epiphany and was actually rendered speechless, no mean feat that, to render chatty Cathy mute...hahahahaha
Back to my epiphany, I was pouring my heart out to Robt, frustration over another set of friends moving away in retirement, lack of fun in our life, the weather and farm life in general when I heard myself say " I don't know why I married another farmer, farming was never a passion of mine, it's just something I went along with because the men in my life loved it."
I don't know what I would have done with my life had I not met my first farmer husband, probably moved back to BC with mom and Dad and went back to school. I wanted, when I was a teenager, to be an English teacher. I think I would have been a reasonably good one.
The look on Robt's face when I said that, you'd think I kicked a puppy rightthere in front of him.
I have been content with the farming gig for 35 years now, and I froth at the mouth when I think that I will still be doing it when I am ready for the nursing home. I had such grand dreams, well grand might be a bit to dramatic a term, but my dreams for the last half of my life were certainly more varied than driving tractor and chasing cows.
It's just too bad that to live even a tiny bit of the life I had hoped to be living when I was 54 means that Robt has to give up any of the life he lives and breaths.
"If I wasn't chained to the farm I would....." move closer to the city, an acreage I think so that I could garden and be outside with nature, which is as necessary to me as breathing. I would do some volunteer work, perhaps in adult literacy or just wiping drooling chins at the lodge...reading to seniors....I would be able to attend every family function my family cared to plan and maybe even throw my own reunion, I would be sure to make it to that one then...hahahaha Robt and I would be able to spend more time together that didn't involve instructions on what work I was to do next or arguing over loan payments and tractor repairs. I'd be able to have a small house dog again, right now I am hardly in the house to care for one and coyotes would eat it if I left it outside while I drove tractor for 12 hours a day. I would definitely get a better handle on this fibromyalgia, stress wouldn't be such a huge factor in my health. I'd have more time to paint more than 2 paintings a year, and well, you get the idea... I'd have to have a job of course at least part time...I think I would prefer to work at home depot or Rona...the paint or tool department in the winter and the parking lot garden centre during the summer. I'd ride my bike to work when I could and join the rec centre swimming laps everyday.
I used to dream about kayaking, hiking in the mountains, learning to ski and skijoring with a great dog, moving into the wilderness and making a home with my own hands but that is a young persons dream and mine have matured and pared themselves down to more practical ones over the years.
In the mean time though I guess I will just keep plodding along here on the farm. It's what Robt. loves and I love him, it's just that simple and that complicated.
Splendor
October 13, 2012
October 12, 2012
A HOSE JOB
You know, who ever said " BE GOOD AND WORK HARD AND YOU'LL GET AHEAD IN LIFE", they LIED. I've worked hard, really hard for thirty five years now at this "JOB" we call farming and I can see quite plainly now what rewards I am going to get, a minimum wage job at Home Depot and my retirement years in a trailer park. Not that there is anything the matter with some trailer parks but when you have pushed your body beyond it's limits doing work it wasn't meant to do, try to be everything to everybody, have given up close friendships and visits with family to give the farm 100 % effort thinking it will provide you with a great retirement, huh.... not so, lies, lies, lies...... but you just expect more than a trailer park for all the sacrifices. You deserve more that's for sure.
If I was a conspiracy theorist, I would be spouting off about how there just seems to be no way to make a living at farming anymore, at least not the small family farm.. Before BSE hit 9 years ago...we were getting 60-70 cents per pound for good cows. For one year after the BSE scare we couldn't sell an animal. Auction marts shut down there was no market, period...so that meant no income, ZIPPO, nothing for one whole year. I had to cash in my investments that I had acquired with the proceeds of the sale of my farm after I met Robt. to make the farm payments and keep the bank from repo-ing the farm because we were forced to mortgage the land to build this house after the first one was moving downhill with foundation undermining due to an underground spring....Insurance found a way to wheedle out of a payout, as per usual, and we got no compensation for the loss of our first house...a $200,000.oo hit to the pocket book.
Last year, eight years after BSE, cattle prices finally got back to where they had been before the scare. Cows were worth about $ 900. and our calves were worth about $ 1,000. We breathed a sigh of relief when we left the auction mart with our cheque in our hands. A whole years worth of work and sacrifice scribbled on one little piece of paper. We deposited it in the bank the next day and by the time we walked out the door our account was back in the red. It barely covered the overdraft we had on the farm account and put the money back into our savings that we had had to use to tide us over from the used up overdraft until the calves sold. But the first time we bought something we were back to using the overdraft.
This year it's worse...we worked all year hoping the calf prices would stay up or even better than last year...we had rain ( hurray) but the states didn't and so the USA drought brought the price of feed sky high, so the cattle buyers were going to have to pay more to feed the calves they bought so they wanted to pay less for the calves, to keep their profit margin high....so we would be getting less for the calves...but we weaned them anyway and were getting them ready to sell when the whole Ecoli meat debacle happened....the price per calf has dropped a lot more now...and if we sold them right now, we wouldn't make enough money to pay the bank...never mind replace any of the money we sucked out of our savings....(my down payment on our retirement place money).
So times are tough.....and it used to be things got this tough every ten years or so...but this past decade it seems like every other year there is some reason why we can't make a living... The farm is no longer sustainable as it is. Time to walk away, I say. Man, is that a scary thought. I have never done anything else but farm, oh I had a few half ass jobs, waiting tables, picking fruit and working at a drive in theatre.
Robt has come in for lunch, god I hate cooking.... so I have to close this for today but be assured I will be touching on this subject again very soon, the calves will be going to market before the end of the month...so wish us luck.
If I was a conspiracy theorist, I would be spouting off about how there just seems to be no way to make a living at farming anymore, at least not the small family farm.. Before BSE hit 9 years ago...we were getting 60-70 cents per pound for good cows. For one year after the BSE scare we couldn't sell an animal. Auction marts shut down there was no market, period...so that meant no income, ZIPPO, nothing for one whole year. I had to cash in my investments that I had acquired with the proceeds of the sale of my farm after I met Robt. to make the farm payments and keep the bank from repo-ing the farm because we were forced to mortgage the land to build this house after the first one was moving downhill with foundation undermining due to an underground spring....Insurance found a way to wheedle out of a payout, as per usual, and we got no compensation for the loss of our first house...a $200,000.oo hit to the pocket book.
Last year, eight years after BSE, cattle prices finally got back to where they had been before the scare. Cows were worth about $ 900. and our calves were worth about $ 1,000. We breathed a sigh of relief when we left the auction mart with our cheque in our hands. A whole years worth of work and sacrifice scribbled on one little piece of paper. We deposited it in the bank the next day and by the time we walked out the door our account was back in the red. It barely covered the overdraft we had on the farm account and put the money back into our savings that we had had to use to tide us over from the used up overdraft until the calves sold. But the first time we bought something we were back to using the overdraft.
This year it's worse...we worked all year hoping the calf prices would stay up or even better than last year...we had rain ( hurray) but the states didn't and so the USA drought brought the price of feed sky high, so the cattle buyers were going to have to pay more to feed the calves they bought so they wanted to pay less for the calves, to keep their profit margin high....so we would be getting less for the calves...but we weaned them anyway and were getting them ready to sell when the whole Ecoli meat debacle happened....the price per calf has dropped a lot more now...and if we sold them right now, we wouldn't make enough money to pay the bank...never mind replace any of the money we sucked out of our savings....(my down payment on our retirement place money).
So times are tough.....and it used to be things got this tough every ten years or so...but this past decade it seems like every other year there is some reason why we can't make a living... The farm is no longer sustainable as it is. Time to walk away, I say. Man, is that a scary thought. I have never done anything else but farm, oh I had a few half ass jobs, waiting tables, picking fruit and working at a drive in theatre.
Robt has come in for lunch, god I hate cooking.... so I have to close this for today but be assured I will be touching on this subject again very soon, the calves will be going to market before the end of the month...so wish us luck.
October 3, 2012
A Sad, Sad week.
They say death comes in three's. This week it happened just like that.
A cousin of Roberts that I had only met a few years ago died of colon cancer, she was a wonderful lady, classy. A tall slim redhead, she was funny and clever and very kind. We hit it off the moment we met and might have formed a lasting friendship had she not lived a thousand miles away.
Two mornings ago we were woken up by the phone ringing at 6:30 am, Roberts youngest aunt calling to tell us that her older sister and Roberts beloved aunt Mary had passed away. In actuality we had lost her ten years ago to Alzheimer's disease. Aunt Mary was Robts mothers sister. A small petite lady who married an American army officer back in the early forties and moved to the US. They were up here visiting one year when their infant son Daniel, when he died of S.I.D.S. (only they didn't know what it was back then) They stayed for a month longer and became very attached to then toddler Robt. Ever since then they doted on him. In his late teens and onward Robt travelled to Richland Wash. to spend every American thanksgiving and Christmas with them. He stayed for nearly two months every year. They had two daughters, older than Rob, but still thought he was the "bees knees" as aunt Mary would say.
And then just today, after eleven wonderful, loyal years it is with great sadness we had to part with the best dog we have ever been privileged to share our lives with. Owen was an old soul, with a huge heart and a bottomless well of love for the undeserving and sometimes un-appreciative humans that we are. Rest in Peace our dear, dear beloved friend.
A cousin of Roberts that I had only met a few years ago died of colon cancer, she was a wonderful lady, classy. A tall slim redhead, she was funny and clever and very kind. We hit it off the moment we met and might have formed a lasting friendship had she not lived a thousand miles away.
Two mornings ago we were woken up by the phone ringing at 6:30 am, Roberts youngest aunt calling to tell us that her older sister and Roberts beloved aunt Mary had passed away. In actuality we had lost her ten years ago to Alzheimer's disease. Aunt Mary was Robts mothers sister. A small petite lady who married an American army officer back in the early forties and moved to the US. They were up here visiting one year when their infant son Daniel, when he died of S.I.D.S. (only they didn't know what it was back then) They stayed for a month longer and became very attached to then toddler Robt. Ever since then they doted on him. In his late teens and onward Robt travelled to Richland Wash. to spend every American thanksgiving and Christmas with them. He stayed for nearly two months every year. They had two daughters, older than Rob, but still thought he was the "bees knees" as aunt Mary would say.
And then just today, after eleven wonderful, loyal years it is with great sadness we had to part with the best dog we have ever been privileged to share our lives with. Owen was an old soul, with a huge heart and a bottomless well of love for the undeserving and sometimes un-appreciative humans that we are. Rest in Peace our dear, dear beloved friend.
August 19, 2012
Today I ...
Today I woke up in a foul mood. It was 30 degrees here yesterday with virtually no wind so when it starts to cool down at night I open all the windows. The problem with that is that when the coyotes are close, which they were last night, really close, in my front yard, I could see them. They yipe and kiyie all night, talking to each other...no sleep for me. So around 5 am they finally start moving away from the yard and I can only here them at a distance now, much better, but by then the birds were twittering and that evil little bitch squirrel is chattering like crazy, telling all her kind that danger is close (ie: coyotes) At 6 am, in and out of sleep, I hear Rbt get up and quietly close the window....most days he would head outside and haul some bales, which is what he did the past two days and I was able to sleep, undisturbed for a couple more hours...but he slips back into bed and starts rubbing my back....
WARNING: for those of you uninterested in my very personal life skip the following paragraph...
Rbt persisted in trying awaken me by the old and might I add ineffective, romantic back rub, in spite of my desperate attempt to ignore him and fall asleep again...but after nearly an hour of on again off again pestering I finally spoke to him......"IF YOU WERE ON THE VERGE OF FALLING ASLEEP AND I STARTED TO RUB YOUR BACK, WOULD IT MAKE YOU SLEEP OR WAKE YOU UP ?"
We have talked about this until I am sick to death of it. Lucky him, he sleeps like the dead and hears nothing... I on the other hand, am a horribly light sleeper and pain and night sweats are constantly waking me. We go to bed around 11 pm. he snores the moment his head hits the pillow and I read until about 1 am before I can sleep. So at 6 am he is all bright eye, bushy tailed and I am dragging my ass around with only 4-5 hours of very poor quality sleep then he gets offended when I am angry he wakes me up...Sometimes spouseacide looks like a very good option. Jail doesn't seem so bad, I've always wanted to get a degree.
I went to sit down in the armchair with a soda and sandwich last night and when I reached for the lever to raise the foot rest lost the grip on the plate and watched in horror as my sandwich went ass over tea kettle and landed on my pants...mayo, margarine and mustard, oh and a very juicy ripe tomato slice slid down the side of my pants to land on the leather seat...It took me fifteen minutes to clean the mess and by then I had missed half my show...God damn it.
I hope I can sleep better tonight. Damned coyotes.
You know what the answer is, you just chose to ignore it...
WARNING: for those of you uninterested in my very personal life skip the following paragraph...
Rbt persisted in trying awaken me by the old and might I add ineffective, romantic back rub, in spite of my desperate attempt to ignore him and fall asleep again...but after nearly an hour of on again off again pestering I finally spoke to him......"IF YOU WERE ON THE VERGE OF FALLING ASLEEP AND I STARTED TO RUB YOUR BACK, WOULD IT MAKE YOU SLEEP OR WAKE YOU UP ?"
We have talked about this until I am sick to death of it. Lucky him, he sleeps like the dead and hears nothing... I on the other hand, am a horribly light sleeper and pain and night sweats are constantly waking me. We go to bed around 11 pm. he snores the moment his head hits the pillow and I read until about 1 am before I can sleep. So at 6 am he is all bright eye, bushy tailed and I am dragging my ass around with only 4-5 hours of very poor quality sleep then he gets offended when I am angry he wakes me up...Sometimes spouseacide looks like a very good option. Jail doesn't seem so bad, I've always wanted to get a degree.
I went to sit down in the armchair with a soda and sandwich last night and when I reached for the lever to raise the foot rest lost the grip on the plate and watched in horror as my sandwich went ass over tea kettle and landed on my pants...mayo, margarine and mustard, oh and a very juicy ripe tomato slice slid down the side of my pants to land on the leather seat...It took me fifteen minutes to clean the mess and by then I had missed half my show...God damn it.
I hope I can sleep better tonight. Damned coyotes.
You know what the answer is, you just chose to ignore it...
August 12, 2012
Light Show Last night
The Perseid meteor shower of 2012 was visible last night after midnight. I sat and watched from the comfort of my bedroom window for over an hour.
They said on the news that there would be about 100 meteors per hour travel across the night sky, I saw 113 streak past. Some were dim and barely visible other were bright, with hints of colour to them and visible from horizon to horizon. Those were the best and are what kept me watching for so long...I just had to see one more. . . Robt snored through the whole thing...but alas, bed was calling and I tore myself away to catch some sleep. They were visible until dawn...
Today I get to be semi-lazy...finished baling hay yesterday...hurahhh. Rbt is hauling the bales home now and I have a two day vacation of sorts...I have to harvest stuff from the garden, mow the lawn, pull the dead flowers from flower beds and cook some nourishing food for a change, we are both tired of sandwiches...but when I am in the field I can't be Suzy homemaker.
I am trying really hard not to let our financial woes stress me out. But the time of both of us staying home to work the farm is coming to an end. We either have to flip a coin to see who gets a job or sell up and retire. Big changes are looming
Today I get to be semi-lazy...finished baling hay yesterday...hurahhh. Rbt is hauling the bales home now and I have a two day vacation of sorts...I have to harvest stuff from the garden, mow the lawn, pull the dead flowers from flower beds and cook some nourishing food for a change, we are both tired of sandwiches...but when I am in the field I can't be Suzy homemaker.
I am trying really hard not to let our financial woes stress me out. But the time of both of us staying home to work the farm is coming to an end. We either have to flip a coin to see who gets a job or sell up and retire. Big changes are looming
August 11, 2012
GRRRRrrrrrrrr
yesterday was just one of those days where no matter what you do something or everything is going to go wrong. This new baler we bought a couple of years ago is going to drive me insane. Every time I go to use it, some part falls off the damned thing. God forbid we would ever be organized enough to have checked it all over during the winter and repaired what needs to be fixed and checked everything for tightness. I have owned two other balers in my life (of a different make, New Holland) this baler is a knock off CaseIH baler made to New Holland specs....yaaaaaa right.... everything about them is lighter and flimsier. Just got one big issue fixed with it to the tune of $750. go out and bale three bales of hay and whoops, part of the pick up falls off, the weld broke and there ya go...we limped through to finish last night...Robt has removed the remainder of the broken piece and we will try to finish the hay that's down with it like this....makes me very nervous though....
Last night I had to get out of the tractor and fix twine tying issues over 30 times...towards the end Rbt was looking fearful that I would do something crazy....like LIGHT IT ON FIRE.... I couldn't have done that...I didn't have any matches...
This rogue mule buck has taken up residency in our yard...he spends his days trying to beat the heat by hiding in one or other of the machine sheds...and at night my yard is a veritable smorgasbord of shrubbery. why leave....my theory is that the mosquito's are slightly less numerous in the yard where the grass is shorter than they are further out in nature....but my God, are they vicious....
Swarms of them, thousands at a time...attack when I go to the garden or when I get out of the tractor...there is a can of bug dope in every vehicle and machine on the place... horrendous....thank god for dragon flies...
Last night I had to get out of the tractor and fix twine tying issues over 30 times...towards the end Rbt was looking fearful that I would do something crazy....like LIGHT IT ON FIRE.... I couldn't have done that...I didn't have any matches...
This rogue mule buck has taken up residency in our yard...he spends his days trying to beat the heat by hiding in one or other of the machine sheds...and at night my yard is a veritable smorgasbord of shrubbery. why leave....my theory is that the mosquito's are slightly less numerous in the yard where the grass is shorter than they are further out in nature....but my God, are they vicious....
Swarms of them, thousands at a time...attack when I go to the garden or when I get out of the tractor...there is a can of bug dope in every vehicle and machine on the place... horrendous....thank god for dragon flies...
August 2, 2012
Another notch on the stick of life
I have been busy mowing the lawn every three days since it rained and gave it a new lease on life. I have also been cutting more hay down and the other day was given quite a shock when I was beetling down the field, my mind in auto pilot when a huge mule deer buck with his velveteen antlers lept up a dozen feet in front of the tractor where he had been laying in the tall hay, and streaked across the field to the nearest trees. Man were his antlers big. That got the old blood system gushing...I never did get back into auto mode...I kept waiting for something else to appear in my path.
The humidity here this year is awful, we don't normally suffer with too much humidity. Send it back to Ontario is my vote...
Watching the Olympics a bit, I mean what options do we have they are on everything. I especially enjoy the rowing and diving...and love, love, love equestrian but haven't seen one competition yet...
Today is a lovely coolish day with a nice wind, my kind of day... I hate it when it gets too hot. I am having trouble keeping up to the hummingbirds, with filling the feeders, wow do we have loads of them this year.
Robt got my pond running again, whoopee. I have to go start dinner now...first hot meal in a couple of day and I am looking forward to it.
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