What a Horror Show

To say my life is one big contradiction would be an over statement, but it certainly has it's moments.  Yesterday was great day and a horrible day, I had to dispose of not just one calf but two...Although by the time I did the second one (which was in very bad shape) I felt mostly despair and relief. The calf was so sick it ground it's teeth in pain all day. It made my stomach turn to think how it had been suffering before I convinced R that it was the only humaine thing to do. Otherwise we would have had to haul it to town and pay the vet $200. to euthenize it. As I knew would happen, I bawled after each one.  It didn't help that R was so sympathetic about my having to do it.  He has never fired a gun and is not willing to learn.

The weather here has been terrible...oh...it is warm enough for this time of year but the wind is ridiculous...last week it blew for 5 days straight...like a hurricane...80km winds from the northwest....a bit of snow but not much...It is so dry here that it was like a sand storm with the dry soil blowing for miles....then yesterday... the morning was nice...and then the wind picked up from the southeast this time and tried to blow all our soil back...50-60km winds we spent two days last week removing trees from the fences and repairing things that blew down in the wind...and yesterday more wind fence..(planks nailed upright to cut the wind down for the cattle to hide behind during storms) blew down in one of the pens and cattle escaped their confines. R and I had to use the tractor to hold the fence panels up while we not only nailed them back in place but then wired them to the posts so they would not blow off in future..it took all afternoon...because it was a 40 ft. section that blew down... the posts rot over the years and don't hold nails like they used to.  The whole damn place is falling down around our ears...and only brings home to me the fact that since I am not as able to work outside in the daytime...a lot less of that type of repair work is getting done, with R having to shoulder most of the chores and field work he has no time for the lesser important stuff...Prioritizing the jobs has become a big thing here.  We could clone ourselves and get more done, but then R would just have two crippled wives to support.

I am desparate to finish this genealogy project I have been working on so that I can start painting again...since being a gemini, I have to keep a close tab on how many projects I have on the go at one time..because it can get out of hand very quickly and then I feel too much pressure...ahahahahaha what a nut case...

The only good thing that happened yesterday was that I got to spend hours with R again and it just reminded me how much I love him and love working with him...we make a good team and got a lot done...

Today we are hauling some cull cows to Ponoka...to the auction mart.  These are cows that were open last fall when the cows came home from pasture and R decided to feed them and sell them for slaughter.   They have been on heavy feed all winter and spring and are very fat...hopefully they bring over 50 cents / lb. and will pay for the feed they consumed.other wise it just ends up being a make work project..and R doesn't need more work. So on this road trip (because it is about 3 hours drive there and 3 back) I try to take some interesting reading and read aloud to R, who doesn't have a lot of time to read anymore...although he loves to read..poor guy... last winter I read Barack Obama's books to him...today I hope to read him his great aunt Fanny's diary..about homesteading in southern Alberta in 1892. It is hilariously funny and sad and makes you really appreciate the modern convienences...I can tell  you....

Tomorrow I have a doctors appointment in the city....and I have decided I am done being nicey nicey..and am just going to tell her how much I hate being passed off from one doc to the next...I want solutions not more bloody meds.

Here's a funny story...yesterday after I came back to the house I changed into a pair of pJ's  with a little spaghetti strap cammisole top... the kind you have to wear a bra with to make it fit right...or at least the kind you have to wear a bra with if you are middle aged and losing the battle with gravity...hahahaha    anyway, it is quite impressive even if I do say so myself...when I have one on...ahahaha   so I was making R a quick sandwich before he went to start feeding bales. and he comes in and his eyes were glued to my perkiness...aahahahahha  so much so that he put the tea pot in the fridge and turned the kettle on without putting water in it...ahahahhaha...poor guy... I had to take pity on him and put a sweater on until we sitting at the table... when he was heading back outside he thanked me...ahahahah for the cleavage "a balm to his weary spirit" he said...Oh if only it were that easy for me to feel rejuvenated, with the sight of a tight ass or muscled chest...