Go Down with the Ship

Wow, I just read yesterdays post and even I am shocked at how aggressive I can get...hahahahaha  Many marriages go by the wayside when we nit pick about the little stuff...now I feel that not all the things I complain about in my married life are little...I feel that I sometimes have legitimate complaints and reasons to whine. But let's not lose sight of the fact that this blog is a form of therapy for me...cathartic in a relatively harmless way...R never reads it and it is not open to the world web....ahahaha

I use it to purge my spleen and get things off my chest.... let off a little steam so to speak...so that I don't bludgeon R over the head with something heavy...ahahaha and spend my senior years in prison with my near hopeless son spending all our hard earned money...well what would be left of it after they sold the farm and paid off the debt...ahahahaha it might be enough for a trip to Disney....

And sometimes in all my flippant, sarcastic ranting I actually hit upon a truth, like an epiphany, if you will,  and it sheds a little more light into the darker corners of my life. I don't embellish too much, sadly I find that my life is quite entertaining enough with out colouring it up... 

I am sure some of you must be tired of my up and down moods... so let me just say, I am always down...it's just that some days I am better at hiding it than others, stronger and able to pretend...and I am definitely better able to face the day if I have activities planned to keep me from thinking too much...that's always been my problem...to much thinking.

So like the orchestra in the TITANIC movie...that kept playing right until the ship sank out of sight...I baked today...that's right...baked..No matter that my life is circling the drain and I verge on a nervous breakdown...I waited for the hottest day of the spring...and baked for 6 hours straight....started at 9 am...10 dozen buns...the kind that you let the dough rise 3 times...kinda buns...hmmmmmmmmmm nummy

.  then I baked a double layered marble cake (an old family favorite) with chocolate mocha icing..and it's delicious.

...I am not sure why I baked it...we need it about as much as a nun needs birth control...but we can freeze some of it... It was just a point of honour to prove that I still had the skill after the birthday cake I made for myself turned out so badly...ahhahahaa   this used to be my sons all time favorite cake when he was little...besides black forest...which I hope to make for R's birthday...

There is no doubt I feel a sense of accomplishment when I do this sort of thing...like I haven't lost all my faculties...I guess maybe it is my version of the head in the sand...just bake and pretend every thing is normal... I would be crying a different tune though if it had all been a flop...ahahahahaha  how superficial...