What a Horror Show

To say my life is one big contradiction would be an over statement, but it certainly has it's moments.  Yesterday was great day and a horrible day, I had to dispose of not just one calf but two...Although by the time I did the second one (which was in very bad shape) I felt mostly despair and relief. The calf was so sick it ground it's teeth in pain all day. It made my stomach turn to think how it had been suffering before I convinced R that it was the only humaine thing to do. Otherwise we would have had to haul it to town and pay the vet $200. to euthenize it. As I knew would happen, I bawled after each one.  It didn't help that R was so sympathetic about my having to do it.  He has never fired a gun and is not willing to learn.

The weather here has been terrible...oh...it is warm enough for this time of year but the wind is ridiculous...last week it blew for 5 days straight...like a hurricane...80km winds from the northwest....a bit of snow but not much...It is so dry here that it was like a sand storm with the dry soil blowing for miles....then yesterday... the morning was nice...and then the wind picked up from the southeast this time and tried to blow all our soil back...50-60km winds we spent two days last week removing trees from the fences and repairing things that blew down in the wind...and yesterday more wind fence..(planks nailed upright to cut the wind down for the cattle to hide behind during storms) blew down in one of the pens and cattle escaped their confines. R and I had to use the tractor to hold the fence panels up while we not only nailed them back in place but then wired them to the posts so they would not blow off in future..it took all afternoon...because it was a 40 ft. section that blew down... the posts rot over the years and don't hold nails like they used to.  The whole damn place is falling down around our ears...and only brings home to me the fact that since I am not as able to work outside in the daytime...a lot less of that type of repair work is getting done, with R having to shoulder most of the chores and field work he has no time for the lesser important stuff...Prioritizing the jobs has become a big thing here.  We could clone ourselves and get more done, but then R would just have two crippled wives to support.

I am desparate to finish this genealogy project I have been working on so that I can start painting again...since being a gemini, I have to keep a close tab on how many projects I have on the go at one time..because it can get out of hand very quickly and then I feel too much pressure...ahahahahaha what a nut case...

The only good thing that happened yesterday was that I got to spend hours with R again and it just reminded me how much I love him and love working with him...we make a good team and got a lot done...

Today we are hauling some cull cows to Ponoka...to the auction mart.  These are cows that were open last fall when the cows came home from pasture and R decided to feed them and sell them for slaughter.   They have been on heavy feed all winter and spring and are very fat...hopefully they bring over 50 cents / lb. and will pay for the feed they consumed.other wise it just ends up being a make work project..and R doesn't need more work. So on this road trip (because it is about 3 hours drive there and 3 back) I try to take some interesting reading and read aloud to R, who doesn't have a lot of time to read anymore...although he loves to read..poor guy... last winter I read Barack Obama's books to him...today I hope to read him his great aunt Fanny's diary..about homesteading in southern Alberta in 1892. It is hilariously funny and sad and makes you really appreciate the modern convienences...I can tell  you....

Tomorrow I have a doctors appointment in the city....and I have decided I am done being nicey nicey..and am just going to tell her how much I hate being passed off from one doc to the next...I want solutions not more bloody meds.

Here's a funny story...yesterday after I came back to the house I changed into a pair of pJ's  with a little spaghetti strap cammisole top... the kind you have to wear a bra with to make it fit right...or at least the kind you have to wear a bra with if you are middle aged and losing the battle with gravity...hahahaha    anyway, it is quite impressive even if I do say so myself...when I have one on...ahahaha   so I was making R a quick sandwich before he went to start feeding bales. and he comes in and his eyes were glued to my perkiness...aahahahahha  so much so that he put the tea pot in the fridge and turned the kettle on without putting water in it...ahahahhaha...poor guy... I had to take pity on him and put a sweater on until we sitting at the table... when he was heading back outside he thanked me...ahahahah for the cleavage "a balm to his weary spirit" he said...Oh if only it were that easy for me to feel rejuvenated, with the sight of a tight ass or muscled chest...

Times LIke These

God, it's times like this I have to ask myself why I started this blog again....the days just fly by and I feel pressured to write something..hahahaha and it's all from me...that's the kicker.

Yesterday, I had a bit of a melt down...the stress builds for me and like the lid on a bad jar of tomatoes...sooner or later it's gonna blow. hahaha

So today, I am in more of a zen phase which is good since R and I are working our crazy cows again. This time no needles...just sorting them into different pens for breeding with particular bulls. It is fullfilling our God craving.. We pick which bull gets which cows and wait 9 months to see the results...sometimes it good, sometimes not so much.

The day started out great...R and I were on the same page..as per how to proceed...really things went along swimmingly until we got to the yearlings...(the teenagers of the cow world), rebellious, moody and highstrung...they don't want to be split up, where one goes they all go...at once...even if the gate isn't open...sigh.....get my drift.   bloody little twats...we had to bring them back in and start all over...but finally...R and I demonstrated why humans are at the top of the food chain...and out smarted them.

I watched the funniest thing happen when I was in the house after having finished...R was out with the tractor feeding the different bunches...and the bunch he was with at this time had followed down a bit of a hill, when a few straggler calves from that bunch came down another hill from the corrals and couldn't see the rest of their little herd over the rise so they ran down along the main fence and out the gate R had come into the pen through, across a bale yard and along another fence and then panic set in and they went through the wires..and in with a different bunch of cows...not the one thier mothers were in...so tonight there will be bellowing and I won't get any sleep...until R goes out in the morning and re sorts the buggers. I sometimes wonder why we bother...

I contemplate whether I should tell you this next bit of info..but I think it is the only way to give you the true picture of my life...so I will disclose these details and hope you don't think any less of me with the telling.

Tomorrow I have to shoot a calf...it was injured a month ago when its mother was fighting with another cow and trampled it. It has just slowly been going down hill and now can no longer get up on its feet. The cow barely looks after it and it is very sad...the kindest thing to do is do it in. so I will make a little walk down the hill and put it to rest.  Another pebble on my scale of heaven verses hell for my final destination... I am afraid I am going to burn in hell for eternity for all the kittens, porcupines and what not that I have terminated... I don't do that stuff lightly, only with good reason.. I mean someone has to put a limit on things or the world would look like the grounds of the University of Victoria...over run with waskilly wabbits.  when I do this sort of thing...I always end up bawling my eyes out...I don't do it because I like to KILL things, good god it's just the opposite... I cry when baby calves are born dead...when our cats get run over on the road, when bulls die...and when birds break their necks flying into my windows....I even bury them... Last summer a humming bird was chased by a male hummer into my greenhouse...I still had screens on the windows then and he flew in through the door...I found it dead in there later that day...probably from heat exhaustion...I cried and then ripped the screens off the windows so I wouldn't be the cause of anymore birds dying...

Well I am beat...and am heading to bed.  I taped the movie documentary FOOD INC. tonight, if you get a chance to see it please do...it is all about factory farms...and the obliteration of the humain family farm.

More Later, I Promise..

My day was busy today...had company first thing this morning...went for a hair cut...to town for a parcel...lunch, baked  12 loaves of bread and 4 dozen buns, made chicken soup and catalogued some books...wow... no wonder I am beat.  Had abad storm blow through today...super windy and snow...it was a blizzard for a while..it is still really windy but the snow has stopped...we watched what snow did fall blow across the fields to the neighbours...

hope to tomorrow is a bit slower....the bread smells sooooooo good though...sorry you can't smell it.

A Quieter Day

Our new bull arrived today. The gent who delivered him brought his 1 1/2 yr old grandson with him...and the little knipper proceeded to smear cream cheese icing all over my table cloth...on purpose...he then poured his small glass of water on the placemat and with his hand smeared it all over the table as well...there was crap all over the floor, the chair and the granddad. I had given him a pail of matchbox cars to play with and he promptly pulled the rubber wheels off of one and swallowed it.  Good grief...I couldn't believe that the kid got into so much mischief is such a short time...they were only in the house for 15 minutes and when he left it was like there had been a small tornado go through the house..  But the bull looks good, so we gave him his double shot of vaccine and put him in a pen with one of our yearling bull we raised.

I made a nice roast chicken dinner today..since we ate out yesterday and had no leftovers of our own...I decided to spoil R and make him his favorite meal...it was good..

I also made a really nice cake this morning in preparation of the bull delivery...it was from the splenda cook book...and was delicious...it had pumpkin puree from the garden in it as well as prune puree, raisins and molassess. hahahammmmmmmmmmmhmmmm
with cream cheese icing of course....scrumptious.

We are hauling some fat cows down to Ponoka tomorrow...R has been feeding them all winter...and my god are they fat...hopefully they are still worth something...I need to pay the accountant.

Good luck to jen with her co-habitation experiment.  Anyone would be lucky to have the chance to be her mate.

Boy, What a Marathon

Well, that was a long day...R and I were up at 6 and outside by 7am. We started with the bulls since they are the ones most at risk of getting red water disease. Then the older cows, younger cows and lastly the yearling heifers.  160 head...and we were done by 6 pm. and stopped for an hour and a half lunch.  Not bad for two old giesers. The baby calves will get their shots at the regular time but will have to have a double dose...just like the cows did. and that will have to be the normal regime here from now on.

Apparently Red Water Disease is a fairly common illness in deer and elk, and they are one of the major spreaders of the spores. They also die from it.

It is just really frustrating that no matter how dilligent and devoted R and I are to maintaining herd health there is always something just waiting in the wings to slap us across the face...  The vaccine we use to treat the cows...to prevent this sort of shit from happening is the 8 way blackleg vaccine...if you read the label...red water disease or (bacillary hemoglobinuria) is one of the diseases it should prevent. but the recommended dose does not protect them if they are exposed to the spores...duhhhhh I know it doesn't make sense why they just don't up the dose.... the vets are also frustrated because they have to deal with people losing cattle to this illness and their hands are tied...our vet said he may have to travel to the states and smuggle some of the specific vaccine back....ahahahha.  On Friday  we had trouble getting a fire permit...there is a fire ban on here because it is so dry...we had to finally phone the head of the county and the forestry... but we did get an emergency permit..R had to have the CAT running beside the burn...but first we had to dig a huge pit...not easy when the ground is still frozen... thank god for R's CAT.

we put the carcass in first which turned out to not be the best thing to do...but we had no options since we had to keep it covered with a tarp until we were ready to burn. Then we collected a bunch of dead trees and old fence rails and junk to burn...by noon we set it on fire and boy did it burn of course there had been no wind all morning but once we set the fire alight...wow did it get windy...we were really worried about sparks. I had the hose ready incase and of course the tractor and CAT were on hand......once the wood had burned up we still had half the carcass to bury...we used the cat again...and buried it all under about 8 feet of soil...I don't know what we would have done if not for the CAT. So they called this morning to see if the burn went well and to make sure we had put the fire out... I hope I never have to do anything like that again as long as I live...the whole drama of it all has quite exhausted us both.

Everything went really well today with the cattle which is why were able to do so many in such a short time...usually we divide up over two days...

Until we did the yearlings... now yearlings are typically stupid at the best of times...but today the wind was  howling and dust was blowing everywhere...it was late afternoon and they were hungry...R had cut rations yesterday to ensure they came up when he called.   I had to poke one of the heifers with the prod (a cattle tazer, but before you get all up in arms...it gives a very slight zap...how do I know this...I have been zapped before with one....don't ask.)  I am very careful not to use it too much..but these heifers were kicking like little asses...and one kicked back hit the prod, instead of my arm..and sent it flying...it broke of course and of course I flew off the handle...grabbed R's plastic cane and took after her...she cheated me out of my getting even by running hell bent for leather up the chute and into the squeeze...ahahahah  but I have her number...little bitch.  and of course she is an angus...I swear to god I will regret my decision to breed to angus bulls for the rest of my cattle raising life...give me old straight simmentals anyday.

< Angus (red)

< Simmental






Our nice simmental cows go through the chute one after the other  once they see the way of things I don't even have to chase them...they just follow the leader through the alley and into the squeeze...they know it is inevitable..that they get needled again...and just accept it...but the bloody angus cunts, kick, bellow, run me over, kick, dodge and jump fences even a good equestrian horse couldn't clear.   It's like when I used to raise geese...I used to always get the big white emden geese until somebody told my mother in law that the grey ones were better eating (just for the record I never ate one of my geese..they were my babies. My mother in law used to come and kill them).  anyway...I never had a problem with the white geese being able to fly...they were to heavy and just couldn't...but the grey ones...those little dicks....dicks, not ducks... they were way lighter and could fly enough that when the wild geese flew overhead mine would rise up and join them and end up down on the slough and then when they walked back to the farm in the evening...don't ask me why they didn't fly back...the coyotes would get them...too stupid to live apparently.    Any way...the angus cattle seem to be the same....new but not necessarily improved...ahahaha.

It will take me a few days to recover...from all the trauma..   Tomorrow we get to go and make nicey nicey at our friends for easter dinner...Honestly I am sure their grandsons are going to think we are relatives of some sort...we are there so often..but it is really nice of them to invite us for all their family dinners.  kinda sad ...we have become the people that fill in the empty seats at other people's family dinners.

R says he doesn't care as long as he get a feed of turkey...hahaha how mercenary.. I just hope they have something chocolate, I can't have it in the house...it calls my name but I don't mind a bit of it at some one elses place...the caffeine keeps me awake. yes chocolate has caffeine...I am not lying.   At this dinner we will be rubbing elbows with millionaires.... our friend Norm's sister and her husband won 5 million in the 6/49 lottery 8 years ago...I bet they have every dollar still, if she's at all like her brother Norm...I am sure she does...they are scottish...and a typical tight fisted bunch. She buys her clothes at value village.hahahah that just makes me and R shake our heads... I am heading off to bed now and hope to sleep in until at least 8 am. we are going to have waffles for breakfast and fruit salad for lunch in  view of our having turkey later inthe day...nummmmmmmmy... wish you all a happy easter...

And The NIGHTMARE continues

This crisis is never ending.  The bull that died...turns out, had a serious disease that is picked up from the soil or feed when deer deficate or urinate on the feed, either laying in the swath or in the bale yard.   Once ingested by cattle the spores have a 10 day incubation period where the host animal appears perfectly healthy...and when the first symptom shows it is as little as 12 or as long as 24 hours before the animal is dead...the spores travel to the liver and the liver is destroyed affecting the animals red blood cells, and basically the animal hemmorages to death. Once they have it there is no treatment. Apparently there have been some cases in the area for the past few years. It is a very old disease...and there used to be a vaccine for it...but the drug companies were not selling enough of it so they discontinued it and just added it to another vaccine so that you treat for multiple diseases with just one vaccine, which we gave our cattle every year....however...we have since learned that it is difficult to give enough of the vaccine for REd Water to the cattle with that vaccine...which we just spent the past three days giving...  So now we have to run the cattle through the chute again and  vaccinate with a double dose and hope the hell we don't lose any more animals...

The Vet strongly urged us to burn the carcass of the dead bulll since the spores from the bodily fluids will travel on the wind, by birds and by deer.......

but we can't get a permit to burn...I have to go R needs the phone.... keep your fingers crossed for us...it is going to be a weekend from hell....

Okay, LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH !!!!!

Okay, things have been crazy here and I haven't had a lot of time or frankly the inclination to write the happy, cheerful crap one of you suggested I write...I tried it, didn't like it and so I am going back to my original game plan and using MY BLOG to vent my utter, loathsome, mind bending, stomach wrenching frustration with the world in general...if you don't like the negative lean, don't read it ! 

In actuality, if I didn't vent on this blog by pounding the keyboard with pent up physical anger, I might do R some bodily harm...I wouldn't want that....I'd be in jail and he would be enjoying a Cathy free house...hahahaha I make it sound like we don't get along but I love the guy to bits, it's just that he ends up being the whipping boy because he is the only one around...ahahahahha

GOD DAM IT.....I HATE FARMING AND ALL THINGS TO DO WITH FARMING
Yesterday morning we were getting ready to head into the city to have the brake control for our stock trailer replaced...the first one only lasted 4 years. hmmffff
R went out to do his chores and found a dead bull.  THAT'S RIGHT....a DEAD BULL .... we have nine bulls all together....but i bet you can guess which one died....no?..  the best one of course...Our best $5000. bull  "SLICK"  he was not sick, as a matter of fact, R saw him just the day before...he seemed fine and then he was dead.  It couldn't have been the one with the bad feet, or the one from BC with the really bad attitude that charges R all the time...or the one that throws crappy calves...or the big black 10 yr old who barely passed the semen test.  NNNOOOOOOOOOOO it had to be the one that throws awesome calves, has great feet, is a real sweet heart to work with and scored the best on the semen test...we had worked out a breeding list for this year and Slick was supposed to get the biggest group of cows....now we have to scramble to make a new list....we don't want to give too many cows to the bull with bad feet, or the one with the bad attitude and we can't give the black bull with the low semen count too many or they won't get bred in time....we can't rush out and buy a replacement because we bought one new bull this year already but he is too young to give too many cows too....and we bought that stupid baler so we are strapped for cash....  but that isn't the point anyway....it just can't stand the shit that happens on the farm...WE LIVE BY MURPHY'S LAW and consider him an optimest. 

Of course the bulls death put a pall on the rest of our day, hard to spend money frivolously and enjoy yourself when your $5000. bull is laying dead in his corral being cut apart by the vet during an autopsy...

We went to the city inspite of the bad start...got to the appointment on time, and had the new brake control put in the truck....but it didn't work...so the tech had to go over the wiring harness from front to back and finally after an hour and a half of me sitting in the truck waiting R finally comes to tell me it won't be long, they found some bad wire connections that the first outfit who put the control in originally had made and that is why the control quit working.....sooooooooo  we had a $150. control put in that we didn't actually need....just needed to fix a bad connection.... but that's my R....like the time he replaced the fuel pump on the big grain truck after it stalled on the road.... $549. for a new pump and it took him and I, two days to change it over...and it still didn't work...it turned out to be a $0.90 fuse.....hahahahahahahahah

Yesterday R asked the pharmacist at costco (a tall slim blonde woman, I think he was flirting with her) if she had anything for severe depression...she asked who it was for and he said him... and then told her about the bull being dead.  OMG I nearly choked.... every once in a while we would look across at each other throughout the day and just shake our heads, it was so surreal. I think we were in shock... about the whole thing.

R is being quite zen about the whole bull thing this morning...saying it won't be so bad...we'll just use the bulls we have and not worry because we will probably end up selling off half the herd this summer anyway if the weather is as bad as they are predicting...and we have more drought and grasshoppers than last year...the dug outs didn't get filled this spring because we only had a foot of snow and there was no run off...  so ya...you wonder why I hate farming so much....try doing it with no off farm income .....and shit like this happens....
But there is one good thing to come of all this...R is no longer able to turn a blind eye to just how bad the industry has become and now talks about getting out of farming all on his own...I quite talking to him about it over a year ago...since it just upset him to think about getting out of it.

We can't really do that...or I mean we could ...but we would lose money...we need to wait, if we can hold out long enough, for things to turn around and land prices to pick up and then get out...but I suspect that should that happen, I will have a fight on my hands to convince him to bail out when things are good.