Sweet Jesus, come take me away !!!

I start off this posting with  laughter...hahahahahhahahahaha   because I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. Honest to God, I am not sure what exactly R and I did to piss the Powers That BE off but man are we getting some really bad karmic revenge....

If you've been reading this blog for a while you will know that things haven't been going exactly smoothly here on the farm for us so far this spring.  Hahaha  and so you shouldn't really be all that shocked to hear that a couple more crazy things happened today...

The new bull we bought back in February has been out with his little harem for over a week now and he has been a very busy boy, or so we thought.... I noticed a couple of days ago that his sheath...where his penis comes out of his body...was all swollen looking...and today R finally took a closer look...and it is very swollen..and sore and he is no longer able or willing to retract it and his penis will not protrude.   So we hauled him into town to the vet clinic and they examined him closely and the result was that he has torn the inside of the sheath and it is infected...he is out of commission for at least 6 weeks and probably for good...as in unable to breed... R is to treat him for the infection and in 6 wks. the vet will re-examine him. if at that time he is still no good, the bull will be sold and the insurance will re-imburse us the balance of what we paid for the bull after deducting what we got for him at the auction mart.  Thank God we had insurance on him but I would have much rather had the bull in good health. 

I don't know why I even bothered to make up a breeding list... I mean really, after our other bull died and we had to re-assign his cows to other bulls, and now this ones cows will have to be assigned to new bulls, because we aren't even sure how many of them he managed to breed in the short time he was out there and was still in working order....arggghhhhh.... frustrating is only the half of it, at this point I would sign the whole f'ing place over to the first person to walk by if I thought we could find a job and still manage to spend time together... I just want the cows to get bred, I don't care to whom they do it with at this point.   I just told R though, when he asked who to put the heifers this bull had with, to which bull they should go now...to just remember...that a quick decision based on the easiest thing to do right now could come back to bite him in the ass when he's calving those heifers out next spring...of course that is assuming we have any cows left by this winter...if we don't get any moisture soon we will not bother seeding any crop and no crop means no feed for the cows this winter...which means selling them off... which will send R's life into a tail spin.

I just can't shake the feeling of being under the BIG Thumb....

 Oh ya and to make a great day even lovelier...I sprained my finger...right hand, the finger next to my pinkie....I was clearing dead foilage off the perenial bed and lost my balance, the wind was very bad today again...I put my hand down to keep from falling backwards and all the fingers except for that one landed in the soft soil, that one was on a root or something and was bent back too far....it hurt a bit when it first happened and then I got busy watering...and never noticed until I went to go inside and tried to take my gloves off...that one wouldn't come off and when I grabbed the end of the fingers of the glove and yanked ...it hurt like a bitch...I finally peeled it off and my hand was all swollen and it hurt to move that finger.  I have this (sticky like bees wax) steroidal ointment for my arthritis and R insisted on rubbing that on my hand....I had to sit on my other hand to keep from punching him in the face while he was rubbing (quite vigorously) that shit onto my bloody finger. I know he thought he was helping but Christ Almighty...I had to restrain myself... and it didn't even help....not a tingle or a warming sensation...nothing...it still hurts and is still swollen only now it's turning a bit blue...and after rubbing that gunk on my hand R insisted on making us a cup of tea....because his parents were British and a cup'a always makes the world right. so he kindly made us both a cup of tea.

..but it tasted funny...no, actually it tasted grosse because he forgot to wash his hands off and had that steroidal ointment all over the handles and rims of our cups....Jesus, Joseph and Mary...the day was like an old Jerry Lewis movie.... I finally just sent him outside to treat the bull with penicillan and took a tylenol..

Days like this make me question my ability to endure the rest of the year...can't we just fast forward to Dec. 31 and start 2011 off with a bit more sanity.  Oh my god I dread what the remainder of the year has in store for us... I am waving my white flag already...

Ahhhh A Day at Home !

Finally a day to spend at home with nothing looming on the horizon to take me away.  I puttered in the greenhouse this morning while R put the water filter we purchased on the water line...had to shut the water off to the house all morning while he did that but he got it done and it works...no silt in the water coming into the house..now tomorrow we will raise the pump in the well another 20 feet and see if that solves the problem...the guy we had lined up to come and do the work called and cancelled so we will do it ourselves, it truely is amazing what one can learn on the internet. and no that doesn't mean I've changed my mind about technology.

So once the water was back on I proceeded to do the two heaping laundry baskets of dirty clothes that had accumulated while I was protesting the use of dirty water in my swanky year old machine and had gone on a laundry strike

...the lines were so clogged with silt it kept telling me there was no water...ahahahahhaha I couldn't just throw a load in and go out to work in the yard...I had to stay right there to shut it off ...and it was really getting on my nerves...so I used the old guilt trip...."if it was one of your machines you would have fixed it ages ago...."  and it worked...most effectively, I think.hahahahaha

we had breakfast so late this morning we called it brunch and then R came in around 3:30 for a cup of tea and a sandwich...and now our meal time is screwed up so we are just planning to have cheese and crackers with a plate of fruit for our late supper...the longer it stays light out the later our supper gets...I just go ahead now and eat on my own...because I refuse to eat after 8 pm. Now R is having his supper the past week around 9:30 at night...geeez  That's what he used to do to me before I got sick...we would have breakfast and head out to the field to fix something....and he wouldn't want to quit until we were done...so we wouldn't eat until really late... I started packing a lunch and those were the days we would be done in time for lunch and be at home...so I packed the lunch for nothing...and then when I didn't that was the day we were out there for 12 hours....I couldn't predict when he was going to do it. Argggghhh !

It has been extremely warm here the past few days, over 20 degrees now and I find that insanely warm for this time of year...the grass is brown and crackles underfoot, and there was a huge fire along the yellowhead highway yesterday. We saw the fire and smoke on our way in to Spruce Grove with our friends to see the movie...There were helicoptors and water trucks everywhere...but the fire stretched for miles on an indian reserve...I bet the government pays for the fire fighting....our friends a few miles away from here had a brush with a grass fire their neighbour's winter burning a brush pile flared up with the high winds one day and burned his entire quarter of land and over half another neighbours before the fire departments got the fire out...scary.. but they have the bill already and it is over 10,000. dollars for the three different fire departments that showed up...yikes....but the natives will get their bill paid for I bet...like everything else.

The movie we saw was hilarious....DATE NIGHT, with tina fey and steve corell...from 40 yr old virgin...hilarious....it was a great day all around...I hope we do it again some day. 

I have exterminated at least 10 spiders in the house today..I am not sure where they are coming from but I hate spiders...they bite. mostly R and then I have to listen to how it itches and stings...and is swollen and booooohoooooo....I don't sound very sympathetic do I?  oh dear, poor R.  I was actually enjoying a nice soak in my big tub with clean water (I hadn't used the tub for a while because I refuse to sit in dirty water)  and I was just dozing  when I happened to glance up and see this huge (well okay not huge but pretty big) spider rapelling down from the ceiling towards me...

guess what I did....no I didn't jump up and scream like a girl, like I have seen some people do and I won't mention any names (see I can be sensitive) ....I casually waited until he was within striking distance and then   WHAMMMMMM, I let him have it...with my pocket book...he went flying onto the floor and I quickly dropped the afore mentioned pocket book on top of him...I cleaned the carnage up later when I finished my bath...ahahahahah

Oh the things we hillbillies have to do to amuse ourselves...ahahaha

Oh Bother

Today, to try to convince you all that I am not losing my mind I will attempt to talk of more normal mundane things....hmmmm let's see...

It is already past the middle of the month and all the tasks I had hoped to accomplish this month are, for the most part undone.  I did however start a lot of seeds in the cold house: tomatoes, peppers, lettuce, and my flowers of course, which are the real reason I even have a greenhouse. I also started a flat of barley and oats for R, as a germination test before he has the seed cleaned for sowing the crop this spring.  I had to finally put a heater in there though as it was cold enough at night that nothing was sprouting...so now I have some flowers popping up and the barley and oats are at last making a showing. I am having trouble getting into the rythm of it all this year and forget to open the vents or turn the lights on, oh the countless second trips I have had to make so far...and the biggest job is yet to come...once things are all up, transplanting into bigger pots takes days...why not just seed into the big pots to begin with you might ask....well, as odd as it may seem, the seeds seem to sense that and do not grow...they like small containers to begin with. I am not kidding...just try it...and if the seed does grow the plant will be tall and spindley... just like if you use a white plant pot the plants will not thrive...as the roots will not fill out in the pot...they will not grow towards the white insides of the pot...if you ever buy a white pot make sure it has a darker colour on the inside.

Friends of ours called yesterday morning to invite us to join them in attending a movie and having dinner afterwards...I am soooooo happy...as this sort of invitation rarely happens for us...I am not sure why...Robert says I intimidate people...I don't know if that is true or not but I am over the moon about the invite...it should be loads of fun...

We are going to get our well fixed this weekend and hopefully that will end the silt problem, now that everything is coated with silt it will take me days to get all the fixtures and appliances clean again.  but at least I can use my fancy washing machine again and not worry about what the silt is doing to the valves...have I ever mentioned that I love my electrolux washer and dryer...if they were boys I would date them....ahhahahah
they are the tall dark and silent type...

I started doing yard clean up yesterday and am stymied as to how I have managed it all in the past...I must be particularly tired this spring because it all seems overwhelming to me at present.  maybe if I am really nice for a change, R will help me in the mornings.  Keep your fingers crossed..

Well I am off to start getting pimped up for our group date... Im thinking yoga pants and a tunic top...but maybe jeans and a blouse will do just as well...I'll have to see what feels right today...I am not sure how to cover the blisters on my face....hahahaha too much sun again out in the yard yesterday.   see ya.

I Need Help, I Think

Okay, so this has been another busy week...was I complaining not that long ago that nothing ever happens here....be careful what you wish for should be my new motto.

The trip to Ponoka went smoothly, not like last time when R unloaded the cows and the last one off the trailer aimed projectile nervous runny manure at him...he was covered from head to toe with it and it reeked...all he had for a change of clothes was a pair of grease stained coveralls in the truck...which he intended to wear the rest of the day in the city, where we were heading after the auction mart...hahahaha I convinced him they would not let him into the restaurant dressed in those so he bought a pair of cotton slacks and a t shirt...ahhahaha he kept complaining about having to spend the money for clothes and I just said...he should have put the coveralls on before unloading then...

so from Ponoka on  tuesday we got home about 10 pm....and then were up again wednesday morning  bright and early to drive right back to the city for a doctor's appointment.  I was stressing out about this one because I had decided to get a bit aggressive with the doctor about my frustration with her and ask a bunch of tough questions about the reason I am taking these meds as well as the fact that I feel like I am getting the brush off between her and my family doc....when I bring up an issue I am having she says to talk to my fam. doc.  and when I bring it up with him he says to talk to my rheumatologist....arggghhhhh  how the hell am I suppose to know what to do, if they don't know what to do...sometimes, well actually most of the time...I just want to stop taking all the meds and let what happens happen. Probably nothing will, at least that is my theory.. I should never go to another doctor...and some day I will just drop dead...like we all will eventually anyway and then problem solved.... anyway I digress.

So the doctors appointment was as frustrating and a complete waste of time and money, just like I expected...she  told me she suspects I have fibromyalgia as well as Lupus....huh...I put my hand up to stop her talking and said I refuse to even acknowledge the fact that I have that...ten years ago I was sent to a pain specialist in the city( an asian doctor) and it was the most humiliating experience of my life... he walked into the room, asked me how much I weighted...hit my knee with a hammer, read over the letter my fam.doc. had sent with me...listing my pain issues and then he looked up and said, and I quote: " you don't have fibromyalgia, there isn't anything wrong with you that losing a hundred pounds or two wouldn't cure." end quote. I would have weighted about ten pounds if I did that.  

I told her that whether I have Fibromyalgia or not I don't want to know... I am not going to anymore specialists so just forget it.  By the time I got out of there I was so frustrated I could have screamed... I walked back to the truck...and R and I headed to IKEA..

..not R's best idea....(just for the record I loathe IKEA, not the stuff so much but the actual store and it's set up, that once they have you in the door you can't get back out without going through the store from start to finish...like a rat in a maze...

one way in one way out...)  So we were looking for office storage solutions...and we didn't have to walk to far into the store to find that section...there was very little selection and none of it what we were looking for...so I turned to go back out...and R said there are no stairs and the escalator was one way... (going down the escalator the wrong way was not an option...did that when I was teenager and it didn't end well) so I am once again....FRUSTRATED, and getting angrier...and the old demon claustrophobia kicks in and voila....a panic attack...and not just a little one...A MAJOR one... crying, shouting, pleading with R to get me the hell out of the store and he just stood there, either frozen in fear for his life or stunned by my bad behavior and trying to pretend he didn't know me...I still haven't figured out which...maybe both. I ended up power walking and even breaking into a run a couple of times, through the maze and found some stairs that took me downstairs to the ground level...I think they were for staff.  I didn't care...I zig zagged through all the nick nack shit that seemed never ending and saw a sign that said checkouts...I believe I ran in that direction....by this time I was gasping and crying and making a general "cake" of myself.  and finally I could see beyond the checkout lines, windows to the outside....I vaguely remember elbowing a couple of old ladies out of the way while they stood in line at the cashier...and made my way to the exit...once outside...I slowed down and finally stopped, gasping for fresh air..I eventually turned around to look for R and he was standing a few feet away... looking embarassed.  I bet he was, so was I...and still angry, however I never said a word....and we walked across the parking lot (R likes to park at the farthest possible point from the door) our truck...he got in and started it right away but I was reluctant to be inside ...so I just stood outside letting the hurricane force wind that was blowing that day, whip past me and dry the tears streaming down my face.... I have always had a problem with being in confined spaces...and I had felt so trapped and out of control there in the store...when I eventually got into the truck...I put my seat belt on and quietly asked "Please never make me go to that store again, please". I had told him I didn't think they would have what I was looking for...but he insisted we check it out.

I had had a slight problem the last time we had been there several years ago...and combined with the frustration and negative feelings I was having that day with the doctor it just wasn't a good combination. I am not kidding, they virtually keep you a prisoner hoping that while you tread the mile or two meandering pathway through their store you will surely find something you just can't live without....have I mentioned how much I hate shopping even on the best of days.  

Needless to say, I was emotionally drained and teetered on the edge of tears the rest of the day.  I told R I didn't want to look for the office stuff anymore...that in fact if we were totally honest with ourselves we really couldn't afford it anyway.

At the end of the day before we headed home we stopped for supper at our favorite Chinese...but R had arranged to meet friends there...and they were there when we arrived. The woman is a smarmy bitch, who loves to rub her children and grandchildren in my face....she always brings her grannies brag book of photo's to show off her two new grand babies...( you may think I am just being over sensitive here but wait, I have a reason) after showing me the pics and bragging how smart he two little grand babies are, they are either crawling early or talking already or just the most beautiful babies in the world...then she looks up and asks "how's junior?"  (she means my son, she calls him junior because his name is Rob and so is R's)  Like she doesn't know I haven't heard from him in months and that I haven't seen him in over a year...and he only lives a half an hour away....and that he doesn't have plans to ever have children with his partner. She goes on about how lovely her daughter in law is and how special her son treats her....She knows my sons partner doesn't like me....and so on and so on....by the time we had ordered our food...I wanted to push her off her chair and shout "shut the fuck up you fat cow...."  and R said before we got there that we weren't going to tell them about our Bull dying and all the problems we were having lately...because she is a notorious gossip and that everyone she knows will hear about our misfortune...but then while we were eating...what does he do....he tells them....everything...even about my panic attack in the store that day.... and then he could tell I was pissed off, I was shoving food in my mouth to keep from saying something spitefull....so he started moving the plates of food to the far side of the table...out of my reach.... OMG I got up and walked outside...they left and I got in the truck when R unlocked it...I never said a word...and when he stopped at walmart to grab some milk....what does he do...buys me a chocolate bar.....arrrgggghhhhhh...  I am going to stop now...this is turning into a R bashing session....I didn't want it to.. but some times the man can be so obtuse....

The moral of this story...if you don't want to see a grown woman cry...or get pushed off your chair... never take me to IKEA....ahahahahhaha   I am fine now....no really...

What a Horror Show

To say my life is one big contradiction would be an over statement, but it certainly has it's moments.  Yesterday was great day and a horrible day, I had to dispose of not just one calf but two...Although by the time I did the second one (which was in very bad shape) I felt mostly despair and relief. The calf was so sick it ground it's teeth in pain all day. It made my stomach turn to think how it had been suffering before I convinced R that it was the only humaine thing to do. Otherwise we would have had to haul it to town and pay the vet $200. to euthenize it. As I knew would happen, I bawled after each one.  It didn't help that R was so sympathetic about my having to do it.  He has never fired a gun and is not willing to learn.

The weather here has been terrible...oh...it is warm enough for this time of year but the wind is ridiculous...last week it blew for 5 days straight...like a hurricane...80km winds from the northwest....a bit of snow but not much...It is so dry here that it was like a sand storm with the dry soil blowing for miles....then yesterday... the morning was nice...and then the wind picked up from the southeast this time and tried to blow all our soil back...50-60km winds we spent two days last week removing trees from the fences and repairing things that blew down in the wind...and yesterday more wind fence..(planks nailed upright to cut the wind down for the cattle to hide behind during storms) blew down in one of the pens and cattle escaped their confines. R and I had to use the tractor to hold the fence panels up while we not only nailed them back in place but then wired them to the posts so they would not blow off in future..it took all afternoon...because it was a 40 ft. section that blew down... the posts rot over the years and don't hold nails like they used to.  The whole damn place is falling down around our ears...and only brings home to me the fact that since I am not as able to work outside in the daytime...a lot less of that type of repair work is getting done, with R having to shoulder most of the chores and field work he has no time for the lesser important stuff...Prioritizing the jobs has become a big thing here.  We could clone ourselves and get more done, but then R would just have two crippled wives to support.

I am desparate to finish this genealogy project I have been working on so that I can start painting again...since being a gemini, I have to keep a close tab on how many projects I have on the go at one time..because it can get out of hand very quickly and then I feel too much pressure...ahahahahaha what a nut case...

The only good thing that happened yesterday was that I got to spend hours with R again and it just reminded me how much I love him and love working with him...we make a good team and got a lot done...

Today we are hauling some cull cows to Ponoka...to the auction mart.  These are cows that were open last fall when the cows came home from pasture and R decided to feed them and sell them for slaughter.   They have been on heavy feed all winter and spring and are very fat...hopefully they bring over 50 cents / lb. and will pay for the feed they consumed.other wise it just ends up being a make work project..and R doesn't need more work. So on this road trip (because it is about 3 hours drive there and 3 back) I try to take some interesting reading and read aloud to R, who doesn't have a lot of time to read anymore...although he loves to read..poor guy... last winter I read Barack Obama's books to him...today I hope to read him his great aunt Fanny's diary..about homesteading in southern Alberta in 1892. It is hilariously funny and sad and makes you really appreciate the modern convienences...I can tell  you....

Tomorrow I have a doctors appointment in the city....and I have decided I am done being nicey nicey..and am just going to tell her how much I hate being passed off from one doc to the next...I want solutions not more bloody meds.

Here's a funny story...yesterday after I came back to the house I changed into a pair of pJ's  with a little spaghetti strap cammisole top... the kind you have to wear a bra with to make it fit right...or at least the kind you have to wear a bra with if you are middle aged and losing the battle with gravity...hahahaha    anyway, it is quite impressive even if I do say so myself...when I have one on...ahahaha   so I was making R a quick sandwich before he went to start feeding bales. and he comes in and his eyes were glued to my perkiness...aahahahahha  so much so that he put the tea pot in the fridge and turned the kettle on without putting water in it...ahahahhaha...poor guy... I had to take pity on him and put a sweater on until we sitting at the table... when he was heading back outside he thanked me...ahahahah for the cleavage "a balm to his weary spirit" he said...Oh if only it were that easy for me to feel rejuvenated, with the sight of a tight ass or muscled chest...

Times LIke These

God, it's times like this I have to ask myself why I started this blog again....the days just fly by and I feel pressured to write something..hahahaha and it's all from me...that's the kicker.

Yesterday, I had a bit of a melt down...the stress builds for me and like the lid on a bad jar of tomatoes...sooner or later it's gonna blow. hahaha

So today, I am in more of a zen phase which is good since R and I are working our crazy cows again. This time no needles...just sorting them into different pens for breeding with particular bulls. It is fullfilling our God craving.. We pick which bull gets which cows and wait 9 months to see the results...sometimes it good, sometimes not so much.

The day started out great...R and I were on the same page..as per how to proceed...really things went along swimmingly until we got to the yearlings...(the teenagers of the cow world), rebellious, moody and highstrung...they don't want to be split up, where one goes they all go...at once...even if the gate isn't open...sigh.....get my drift.   bloody little twats...we had to bring them back in and start all over...but finally...R and I demonstrated why humans are at the top of the food chain...and out smarted them.

I watched the funniest thing happen when I was in the house after having finished...R was out with the tractor feeding the different bunches...and the bunch he was with at this time had followed down a bit of a hill, when a few straggler calves from that bunch came down another hill from the corrals and couldn't see the rest of their little herd over the rise so they ran down along the main fence and out the gate R had come into the pen through, across a bale yard and along another fence and then panic set in and they went through the wires..and in with a different bunch of cows...not the one thier mothers were in...so tonight there will be bellowing and I won't get any sleep...until R goes out in the morning and re sorts the buggers. I sometimes wonder why we bother...

I contemplate whether I should tell you this next bit of info..but I think it is the only way to give you the true picture of my life...so I will disclose these details and hope you don't think any less of me with the telling.

Tomorrow I have to shoot a calf...it was injured a month ago when its mother was fighting with another cow and trampled it. It has just slowly been going down hill and now can no longer get up on its feet. The cow barely looks after it and it is very sad...the kindest thing to do is do it in. so I will make a little walk down the hill and put it to rest.  Another pebble on my scale of heaven verses hell for my final destination... I am afraid I am going to burn in hell for eternity for all the kittens, porcupines and what not that I have terminated... I don't do that stuff lightly, only with good reason.. I mean someone has to put a limit on things or the world would look like the grounds of the University of Victoria...over run with waskilly wabbits.  when I do this sort of thing...I always end up bawling my eyes out...I don't do it because I like to KILL things, good god it's just the opposite... I cry when baby calves are born dead...when our cats get run over on the road, when bulls die...and when birds break their necks flying into my windows....I even bury them... Last summer a humming bird was chased by a male hummer into my greenhouse...I still had screens on the windows then and he flew in through the door...I found it dead in there later that day...probably from heat exhaustion...I cried and then ripped the screens off the windows so I wouldn't be the cause of anymore birds dying...

Well I am beat...and am heading to bed.  I taped the movie documentary FOOD INC. tonight, if you get a chance to see it please do...it is all about factory farms...and the obliteration of the humain family farm.

More Later, I Promise..

My day was busy today...had company first thing this morning...went for a hair cut...to town for a parcel...lunch, baked  12 loaves of bread and 4 dozen buns, made chicken soup and catalogued some books...wow... no wonder I am beat.  Had abad storm blow through today...super windy and snow...it was a blizzard for a while..it is still really windy but the snow has stopped...we watched what snow did fall blow across the fields to the neighbours...

hope to tomorrow is a bit slower....the bread smells sooooooo good though...sorry you can't smell it.